Feeling a bit guilty =/

[Tina B and crew]

Willow is tolerating Chunk...but in the past day or so as he as become more comfortable in his surroundings, Willow seems to have withdrawn more. She use to almost ALWAYS curl up on my lap when I was sitting watching TV or reading. She hasn't been on my lap since last Saturday except the day he was at the vet. Chunk has taken over her tent that she always played in..she will hardly play any more and I haven't seen her get in it in two days. We had done a good job so far of getting Chunk to sleep on a sunny spot on the bed at one end of our place while Willow has always slept in the sun at the other end. Well, yesterday Chunk discovered Willow's favorite spot and keeps trying to move in on her. The result is her hissing, growling and swatting and then jumping up on a higher bunk bed. Chunk also keeps raiding Willow's food bowl.

I know he's a kitten...I am well aware of these kitten issues. I didn't expect this to be a piece of cake by any means. I thought it was going well at first but really am having doubts now. Truth be told I had reservations about doing this in the first place and I think that's coming out really strongly now. I really wanted to help my daughter more than anything if the truth be known. And I kept hearing Traci say "cats are usually healthier and happier if they have a companion (it's true...I've always felt a bit guilty that Willow was our only cat) I love the little guy a lot, he's very sweet when he's not harassing Willow to the point that she won't even have anything to do with anyone. Now I feel guilty because I agreed to disrupt her life in this manner. Not sure if anyone recalls, but we live in a very tight quarters and that is what I think is the biggest issue over all. There is hardly space enough for Willow to escape from Chunk. He finds here wherever she goes. I am trying my best not to let my emotions show but it isn't working. I feel awful that Willow no longer runs to meet me when I come home, or curls up on my lap, or plays with her Mr. Wormy toy. She's eating fine and using the litter box fine, but it seems she has gone back to her old reserved self that she was when Frodo and Gizmo both picked on her. As a result I've been a guilt filled weepy mess over the last two days. On top of that I have to go out of town to do some research and I'm dealing with my parents ever increasing health and life issues as well as trying to finish my degree. Part of me wonders if this was really the right time and place to take this on.

I hope nobody thinks badly of me for feeling this way...you all KNOW I love cats and take my commitments to my pets seriously...but I'm not sure I can do this. I hate seeing this change in Willow. Am I crazy? Any advice? I did tell Laura this was a trial basis..I was sure Willow would take to him better than she is...how much time do I give this?

Maybe my being gone for a few days will be the best thing?

[Traci]

Your last sentence. Quite possibly

It's rare, but I've had a few times feeling the same way with a few of my cats. Then I relax and remind myself that they are probably not feeling the same as I am. That's pretty evident in the way they react to each other.

Sometimes, they will withdraw from you, I know it seems like you feel responsible for them withdrawing. The good news, is that it is usually only temporary. And then you will see new behaviors, new relationships forming, new activities, new everything, it's sometimes a change for you too. They are growing and you're not willing to give up the one-on-one you had.

But, you don't have to.

Certainly, Chunk needs a great deal of your attention, and you do have to accomodate his kitten needs. But, at the same time, you don't have to change too much, just divert his attention to other things and do what you can to make Willow feel important as always. Try not to change routines, or those times you and Willow are accustomed to being together, just increase your time with her, and try to engage them both in similar activities, playing together, etc.

Buy new toys for Chunk. The novelty will grow on him and he might start playing more with HIS things rather than Willow's. Create a special area just for him. You can't change the fact that he wants to fit in, with Willow, with you, with the family, and he will, unintentionally, move right in. This is something Willow will, in time, learn to tolerate and accept. Just make all other things pleasurable for Willow as you can.

Part of having a multi-cat household is the expectation the cats will, and must, share everything. It may not be their desire at first, but they will manage, and they will adjust.

Remember, part of what you think is "withdrawal" isn't exactly that. Willow is adjusting to someone new, and is taking her own sweet time, it doesn't mean she's mad at you, it is probably just her way in this adjustment period. Do, however, encourage her every time you can, to continue your bond. When Chunk is napping for example, do something extra special for or with Willow. Just take a nap with her, sometimes that's all it takes for her to feel secure. Sit with her when she eats. Sit by her when she's watching out the window. Just your calm presence will remind her she's still your baby.

Try a second food station if you have room. Or two dishes. Rather than teach Willow to use the second station, teach Chunk that the second station is his, for now. Literally and physically place him at his station as often as you can so he makes the association. You can't really stop his curiosity between food dishes, all cats do this, as they seem to think what is hers is mine, etc, and they seem to think one of the dishes has something better (even if it doesn't, lol).

Remember, Chunk needs all the love and support you can give too. He's so young, and growing and developing, and I personally think Willow is a good match for him. She may not think too highly of him right now, but his youth will be good for her to teach him how to be a cat, to teach him that she is alpha, and to teach him HER boundaries (with a little help from mom - like the food dish or the tunnel, sleeping spot, etc.). If you have two spare blankets or throws, place them in the intended spots for sleeping areas. If Chunk wants to get on the bed, teach him that his throw is a foot or so away from Willow's. (not saying this will work, but it's something you could try). Sunshine on the bed is a favorite for ALL cats, so try to accomodate as best you can, or put a kitty bed by a sunny window.

Give it time, and be patient, and of course, loving and pampering to both of them. Don't let your emotions be seen or felt by Willow, try to act like everything is peaceful and in harmony.

[Tina B and crew]

I know you are right Traci...I just think my stress filled life has taken its toll on me and Willow's presence by my side was always one thing that managed to calm me down and keep me centered. In reality change was the last thing I needed at this point in my life. Not sure why I didn't think about that in the first place I know I'm projecting a lot of my thoughts/feelings on the situation too...I know that in my head but it's hard to get past it.


I've already done most of the things you mentioned on the very first day Chunk was here:

Feeding station - I moved Willow's bowl to the back room and Chunk's is toward the front...ditto for water. I may end up moving Willow's up higher as I've noticed Chunk bothering her while she eats a few times

Sleeping spots...both have blankets and beds in separate sunny spots. For the most part Chunk will sleep in his bed. I've taken to hold him and scratching his chest to calm him down and when I put him in his bed he will usually curl up or stretch out and fall asleep...until yesterday when he decided Willow's sunny spot was superior to his We are going to install a kitty ledge on the window near Chunk's sleeping spot.

The last two days I have taken time to snuggle with Willow in her sunny spot while Chunk was sleeping in his and she has seemed to enjoy that a great deal as did I. Chunk got to snuggle on my lap last night when Willow was sleeping. I'd hoped Tim would pick up the slack in giving Chunk attention but for some reason he hasn't. Guess I'll need to have a talk to him =P

Chunk has several new toys and his own tunnel (two in fact), which he enjoys...but still insists Willow's tunnel is better

He seems to want to bond and play with Willow and on occasion she seems to want to play with him as well, at least for brief periods..then she gets fed up with him and swats/hisses/growls. I know it's an adjustment period. And I really should be thankful it has went as well as it has all things considered. Whether I like it or not I'll have a few days away and hopefully center myself, although I'll be up to my elbows in books and writing =P Tim will be at home so he can keep an eye on them while I'm here...I'll have to remind

[Traci]

Definately have hubby continue what you've started/done.

As for sharing sunny spots on the bed, it's not always a bad thing, you know, a lot of the time, this is how many cats get bonded. Simply stretching out and landing one paw on another's is an unintended, yet good step.

The sooner you can help Chunk determine Willow's boundaries, the more likely he will remember and obey as he gets older. The fact that she is even interested in playing and being near him is a great sign. Try not to interfere unless you have to, he's still impressionable, and Willow is probably teaching him already (by playing then letting him know when she's had enough). When she's had enough and he still has so much energy to play, then you step in and play with him/his toys, etc. Likewise return the favor to Willow when she's relaxed. Nature has a way of taking care of things I know it seems overwhelming right now but it's probably little adjustments, and nothing more.

I agree, you're so fortunate to have had really good introductions. Just wait until Chunk is in his independent stage, don't fret, just enjoy the antics!

[slvrwhispr]

I think it's funny that Willow's coloring is so similar to Izzy's, and their reactions to the new kittens were almost identical. It took Izzy a LONG time to come back to full cuddliness with me, but things have balanced out.

[Tina B and crew]

I've always thought Izzy and Willow resembled each other...hope Willow comes around sooner than later. She will still cuddle with me if the Chunkster isn't around, but otherwise she ignores me and glares at Chunk. Like Emmy he doesn't know when to stop and Willow gets PO'd and goes into growl/hiss/swat.

They did lounge on the bed about a foot apart for all of 10 minutes today again.

I'm going to be packing my suitcase in a few minutes...I'm sure that's going to go over well with Willow

[slvrwhispr]

Izzy went through about a three month period where I barely saw her. She'd lay all day long in the window in the spare room, only coming out for food or to use the litterbox.

Not sure what changed, if she just got used to it or what, but she's back to being my snuggle bug. And the past few weeks, I've actually caught HER initiating play with Emmy, which is a first. It just takes time. They'll adjust, and you'll have happy kitties.

[Tina B and crew]

Maybe I just needed to vent a little...or maybe afternoons/evenings are better for Willow than mornings? I've been pretty moody lately too, so I'm sure that doesn't help. I think the time away will be good for all involved.

They both slept in the same room for several hours and Willow finally came and snuggled on my lap for about 30 minutes, which is the longest she has done since Monday. Willow got in her tent for a few minutes this evening, and she's been chasing Chunk in and out of the crinkle tunnel that they share (and they DO share that one.) I also caught Willow sneaking food from Chunk's bowl

Willow got on TOP of my suitcase when I got it out to pack and when I opened it Chunk got inside it

[momPaws]

Tina, I saw on the news (TV) just lately where a guy actually traveled and when he got to his hotel and opened his suitcase his cat was in there!! So...be careful

[Traci]

I see those stories too, and I always think of Tina, LOL!!

Tina, your last post is proof positive this is going to work out. That Willow took initiative to do the exact opposite of what you expected (the tunnel, the food dish, even sleeping in the same room as well as on the bed), is excellent news

You might be on to something about timing. Some of my cats are more active in morning and evening, where a couple others more active in afternoon. You just have to watch them and get a feel for their own little routines and then accomodate as you learn, go along.

Hopefully, when you get back, Willow will once again greet you at the door