Following found posted very low on a refrigerator door

[Cleo]

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

They live here. You don't.
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, normally come when called, never ask to drive the car, don't hang out with drug-using people, don't smoke or drink, don't want to wear your clothes, don't have to buy the latest fashions, don't need a gazillion dollars for college and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[Traci]

Very funny, and, appropriate location on the lower part of the fridge!

[momPaws]

I like that...Funny!

[Tambrey]

I have FURniture

And Roo is notorious for trying to beat me down my stairs...he did get his foot stepped on last week and I almost did fall to the bottom before him....

Ghost likes to sprawl out beside me on the bed, but he will actually lay against my entire back, preventing me from rolling over....

Munkie and Majik will both try to sneak a paw in and grab food off a plate if we don't watch like a hawk....and we keep a water bottle on the table when we eat!

[Auntie Debbie]

Good one Cleo....I especially loved the one about the bathroom. Seems every cat wants to be in there when I am. Morris is the worst. He will actually cut me off while I'm trying to get there so he can get in first and jump up on the vanity.