Odd behavior.

[slvrwhispr]

Well... when I brought Emmy in, I was hoping that giving Izzy a playmate would make her happy. Feel less isolated. Because she's just never been a real cuddly cat. She'd come for affection when she wanted it, and the rest of the time I'd just let her be.

Since bringing Emmy home, Izzy hasn't wanted anything whatsoever to do with me or DH. She doesn't even sit near us anymore. She hides until she wants food or wants to play with Emmy, then disappears again. Emmy, on the other hand, will snuggle all day long. Sometimes I'll shoo her off to give Izzy a chance to come for affection if she wants it, but the most I get are a couple of blinks from across the room, and that's it.

The two cats seem to get along okay. They play all the time, they co-exist with food and water with no problems. Sometimes they play a little rough, but I break it up and they go back to being peaceful. There haven't been any other changes in the house. No stresses, nothing new or different. We decided not to move after all, and we cleaned out the second bedroom to make more room for the cats to play, so they have an extra room of space now.

It's almost like Izzy is more feral now that I've brought another cat in, which wasn't what I expected. Emmy is very affectionate and playful. If I throw a toy, Emmy will chase it every time. Sometimes I'll get Izzy's favorite toys and throw them specifically for her, and she'll run after it for a second, then run and hide.

But the most recent thing that's bugging me... she gets MAD when I try and pick her up or pet her. She's never had a problem with this before. I did get her when she was calm and checked her over for wounds or hot spots or anything and all seemed to be well, so if it's an injury or a sickness, it's internal. I will take her to the vet after payday (which is Thursday, so not far away) and have them give her a once-over, but it's really upsetting that she snarls at me when I try and pick her up or pet her. She doesn't hiss, she just... yells at me, I guess. It's just not like her, and I don't know if she's just... reacting to Emmy, if they're not getting along as well as I think, or if she's sick... I dunno.

What do you think...?

[Traci]

Is hubby home yet? Is he spending time with both of the cats as well?

My tried (and true for me) method is involving them more with playtime sessions so they become more accustomed to each other sharing the same space, with your active involvement, and equal play and bonding time as well as maybe some seperate one-on-one tmes etc.

Of course, yes get her seen by your vet.

[slvrwhispr]

Yep, he's home. Has been for a while now, THANK GOD. This weirdness started about a week and a half ago. When he first got back, Izzy was all about coming over to say hi a couple times a day. But it's been getting less and less.

I tried sitting and playing with Izzy separately but unless I lock Emmy in a separate room, Emmy always comes in and steals the show. And then Izzy just wanders off. She's not feeling replaced, is she? 'Cause Emmy's just always so eager for attention that she comes running when I call for either cat, as opposed to Izzy who tends to kind of do things at her own speed. I worry that Izzy thinks since Emmy's getting attention, we don't want or need her. Is that anthropomorphizing too much?

If I can kinda trap Izzy in the second bedroom at some point, I'll spend some time with just her in there. See how she reacts. There's literally nowhere to hide in that room; all we've got in there is a TV on a stand, two shelving units, and the exercise bike. I'll grab a couple of toys and go sit in there with her if I can catch her in there alone. Both cats love the big, wide, low window sill in that room, so they're in there all the time now that we've got it cleaned out for them.

[Traci]

Perhaps just a little one-on-one with you will help. I doubt she is feeling replaced, you did introductions normally, you said she seems to get along with and likes Emmy.

[slvrwhispr]

Yeah, she seems quite pleased to have someone to play with. She'll come out to play with Emmy whenever she wants to run around, so. Hopefully some one-on-one time will bring her around to being social again.

The one thing, though... when they do play, Emmy's usually the dominant one. She really bosses Izzy around. Not bullies, but definitely bosses. And Izzy never, ever sticks up for herself. I really want her to feel like she's not the second-tier cat, but it almost seems like that's the role she wants to take.

Sigh. I understand dogs as pack animals; I don't understand how cats work together.

[Traci]

Emmy might be trying to establish alpha female role, hence why she might be more agressive, and this isn't unusual for most cats who are new into the home with a resident cat. She is also younger, and it's normal for her to test Izzy and see how much she can get away with it. As long as Izzy is fine with the play etc, I wouldn't worry about that. Just spend more time with Izzy when you can and assure her that she is still number one, although you now have two number ones Do try to engage them together in a special playtime session with your involvement....use toys that interest them both and that will stimulate activity. The more they can share the same space and learn they are equals (like for your attention), the sooner Izzy will probably be more at ease and exercise her bond with you.

Just to be sure, you said this started occuring about a week and a half ago, but you had Emmy before then, so maybe something else might be slightly stressing her? Was it around the time hubby came home? His absence and then his return might have something to do with it, while it's great that her daddy is home again, even the slightest adjustments in the environment can cause behavior changes. Just continue what you're doing, give her lots of love and attention and have hubby do the same. Maybe she just needs to get used to this slight change in her environment again. Do schedule her vet exam ASAP though.

[slvrwhispr]

I sat with just her in the other room last night. She was on the window sill, so I went in, closed the door, and sat on the floor. She hopped right in my lap for lots of nuzzling and cuddling. We did that for about twenty minutes before she started pawing at the door, so I let her out in case she needed to use the litterbox. As soon as we were out of that room, I tried to pet her, and she ran from me.

She used the box, went back to her window sill. I took the ball on the string in there and tried to get her to play. She wanted nothing to do with it. Grabbed her favorite mouse, she wanted nothing to do with it. Sat back on the floor, she came right to me for more affection. Left the room and she wouldn't let me touch her again.

The weirdness started about a week and a half after DH got home, not right away, so I don't think that's what's got her all weirded out. But she did let me pet her when I woke up this morning and she was sitting on her scratching post, so. Maybe she just needs that one-on-one time more. So. I guess we'll see.

Still need to find a vet in this area I like... the one I took Emmy to when her spay incision was all awful-looking was... I don't know how to describe it, but I didn't feel like she LIKED cats. And the receptionist was really rude. That's the one closest to our house, but I think I'm going to try somewhere else this time.

[Traci]

Remember that stress in cats isn't always apparent and it can linger for days, weeks or months before obvious signs. Like health issues, stress brews and can occur when you least expect.

Just be consistent with your time with her, she will come around.

As for the vet, of course if you are not feeling right about a vet, you want to find a new one right away.

[E's]

Just a small "might help - can't hurt" thing that seems to have worked well for me and my two cats: brushing sessions. You know how a mama cat grabs a passing kitten at random, grooms it for a few moments and lets it go? Well, that's the way it started for me and my two big lugs...

I live mostly in rooms at opposite ends of a 2 bedroom apartment: computer desk, files etc. and a small TV are in the main bedroom; the big TV and couch etc. in the living room. Pinto spends a lot (too much actually) of his time pestering me here at my desk; Q likes to be with me for attention when I'm watching TV in the living room. But they are jealous of each other... and as Traci says, the young cat is too bossy: Pinto will try to displace Q from getting attention...They have always played together at times - and Q is the aggressor and/or instigator just as often as Pinto is... yet it did seem Q was feeling replaced or left out a lot of times...

Totally by chance, I began keeping a small brush here at the desk, and a small slicker comb/brush in the living room. A couple times a day, when a cat shows up at either of these "nests," seeking attention, he gets a quick, gentle brushing on jowls, behind the ears, on back and sides... (some times crunchy treats are involved, some times not.) It could be my imagination, but I really don't think so: both cats seem better adjusted and more tolerant of each other, more litter mates than rivals.

So this might help with Izzy: Instead of trying to lure her into playing with toys, in those moments when she is nearby, just grab her gently and give her a little brushing or petting/ear-scratching, then release her. Do the same for Emmy when both cats are present, not more than twice a day. I would advise not using treats with these sessions at first: In my opinion the grooming itself establishes an impression in the cat's brain of being part of a cat family or colony... Like I say, might help, can't hurt, right?

Dot B
Austin

[slvrwhispr]

I like that idea, Dot. Both cats do love the soft-tipped slicker brush I have for them. I'll keep it handy.