Hello all, I have had my cat for about 9 1/2 years now. I adore him. About 3-4 years ago he started to get aggressive with me when I would get upset. It definitely started during a good hard cry. I tend to control my emotions all day and then really let them go sometimes when I actually need to...so I imagine they are pretty intense. This has now become something he just does. Even when I am not crying really "hard". I basically can't cry around him. He gets upset and starts biting any limbs he can get his teeth around. And he bites HARD, sometimes he has drawn blood. I have to put him in the bathroom or some other room. Has anyone else experienced this? He definitely has his other quirks, but aside from these reactions to my sad emotions, he is nothing but my sweetest friend. Everyone else's pets cuddle up and comfort them, but mine makes me sadder...by attacking me.
I don't think this is related to health problems, since he has been to the vet recently, and since this only happens when I am crying or very upset (having nothing to do with him).
What can I do?
My cat bites me when I cry or am upset.
Re: My cat bites me when I cry or am upset.
Besides the crying, what else are you doing? Are you yelling, throwing things, angry, pacing about, being loud etc? Nothing personal, but do you smoke or drink etc when you are emotional like this? (either of these could put him off)
While it may or may not be related to your emotions, cats do indeed respond to our tone of voice, body language, and they do sense stress and frustration, so you DO need to keep your emotions in check.
But, how do you know this isn't something else? It would be extremely rare and unusual for a cat to react to your emotions by biting or being agressive. This actually doesn't make sense. Unless, you are doing any of the things listed above.
When you had him to the vet, when was that exactly, and for what reason? Was bloodwork done?
Instead of confining him in a room, perhaps it would be better if YOU were in a closed off room when you are overly emotional. By confining him to a room, you are actually encouraging stress for him.
While it may or may not be related to your emotions, cats do indeed respond to our tone of voice, body language, and they do sense stress and frustration, so you DO need to keep your emotions in check.
But, how do you know this isn't something else? It would be extremely rare and unusual for a cat to react to your emotions by biting or being agressive. This actually doesn't make sense. Unless, you are doing any of the things listed above.
When you had him to the vet, when was that exactly, and for what reason? Was bloodwork done?
Instead of confining him in a room, perhaps it would be better if YOU were in a closed off room when you are overly emotional. By confining him to a room, you are actually encouraging stress for him.
..........Traci
Hello! Thank you for responding. I know that it is very strange that he would behave this way, that is why I am asking for help! When I brought him to the vet, it was just a general checkup type thing as it had been a while. Yes, he had bloodwork. Everything is fine.
When I am upset like this, I am simpy crying. I am sitting/laying on my bed crying. While what is inside of me is intense, I am in no way screaming or physically doing anything. At most, I might make the sounds people make when they cry. I am not drinking or smoking.
For all purposes I am not even being "overly emotional", I am just crying.
This is just how he reacts to me when I get upset enough to cry (which isn't all that often). I often do go in a different room myself when possible. I am in no way causing him harm, but he poses a threat to me when he starts attacking me. Last night I did not want to be in the main area of my apartment with my roommates while I was sad...I wanted to be alone, so I had him in the bathroom for like 5 minutes. I can't keep him in there that long, I hate hearing him in there. When I let him out he sat by me for a while as I pet him, I had stopped crying, I thought everything was fine...and then he went down and started biting my ankles, HARD...so I had him go back in there again. It's like he senses my heightened energy, and it scares him...and he definitely doesn't like it. It's like he wants to bite me back to normal. I don't really like being upset like that either, but sometimes I need to be able to cry to release it!
When I am upset like this, I am simpy crying. I am sitting/laying on my bed crying. While what is inside of me is intense, I am in no way screaming or physically doing anything. At most, I might make the sounds people make when they cry. I am not drinking or smoking.
For all purposes I am not even being "overly emotional", I am just crying.
This is just how he reacts to me when I get upset enough to cry (which isn't all that often). I often do go in a different room myself when possible. I am in no way causing him harm, but he poses a threat to me when he starts attacking me. Last night I did not want to be in the main area of my apartment with my roommates while I was sad...I wanted to be alone, so I had him in the bathroom for like 5 minutes. I can't keep him in there that long, I hate hearing him in there. When I let him out he sat by me for a while as I pet him, I had stopped crying, I thought everything was fine...and then he went down and started biting my ankles, HARD...so I had him go back in there again. It's like he senses my heightened energy, and it scares him...and he definitely doesn't like it. It's like he wants to bite me back to normal. I don't really like being upset like that either, but sometimes I need to be able to cry to release it!
Re: My cat bites me when I cry or am upset.
Part of the problem is you confining him to a closed room when you are upset. This is counterproductive because he thinks he's being reprimanded. Therefore, he is associating YOU with confinement, and he doesn't know why, and he is confused, and that is probably why he is agressive at those times.
Stop confining him, period.
At any time he bites, use a spray bottle, squirt it at him once, combined with a stern "NO", (do not squirt in his eyes, his face, etc). Do not yell, do not confined him. If necessary, use the squirt bottle, say "NO", and simply walk away. He has to associate that.
I'd be more concerned over the fact this has been going on for 3-4 years and you haven't resolved it. I truly don't think this has so much to do with your crying episodes, but rather how you handle the situation, especially concerning kitty. Yes, they can react to our emotions, body language, tone of voice, etc, but agressiveness would be rare (unless harm is being done, or inappropriate handling of the situation). It sounds like something else is going on, whether that is something else in the environment, something to do with your roommates, the routine, whatever.
Is he otherwise healthy, happy, content in his environment? Or, is he skittish, withdrawn, bored, non-stimulated, etc? Do the roommates appreciate him, do they share in the duties of his care/feeding/playing/bonding, etc?
When you had him to the vet for a "general checkup", what bloodwork exactly was done? Was a full chemical blood profile done? Was thyroid function tests done?
Stop confining him, period.
At any time he bites, use a spray bottle, squirt it at him once, combined with a stern "NO", (do not squirt in his eyes, his face, etc). Do not yell, do not confined him. If necessary, use the squirt bottle, say "NO", and simply walk away. He has to associate that.
I'd be more concerned over the fact this has been going on for 3-4 years and you haven't resolved it. I truly don't think this has so much to do with your crying episodes, but rather how you handle the situation, especially concerning kitty. Yes, they can react to our emotions, body language, tone of voice, etc, but agressiveness would be rare (unless harm is being done, or inappropriate handling of the situation). It sounds like something else is going on, whether that is something else in the environment, something to do with your roommates, the routine, whatever.
Is he otherwise healthy, happy, content in his environment? Or, is he skittish, withdrawn, bored, non-stimulated, etc? Do the roommates appreciate him, do they share in the duties of his care/feeding/playing/bonding, etc?
When you had him to the vet for a "general checkup", what bloodwork exactly was done? Was a full chemical blood profile done? Was thyroid function tests done?
..........Traci
Re: My cat bites me when I cry or am upset.
My Gwen does this to me when I'm upset. Actually she does it when I'm laughing out loud as well. She doesn't bite or attack but she'll get very vocal, pace back and forth, approach me but then back off. I have to reassure her that I'm okay but her behavior doesn't stop until mine does. There have been times when she stresses herself out over my upset so I have to suck it up and go do something in line with our routine. For example, she sits on the counter next to the sink purring when I do the dishes so to calm her down and reassure her that I'm okay, I'll go to the sink and do dishes ... even if none are dirty. For the most part, this takes my mind off of things or at least distracts me.
I'm sorry you have such upset in your life. I'm a very emotional person as well and never knew just how tuned in an animal can be to our stressors. I hope it all changes for you and kitty.
I'm sorry you have such upset in your life. I'm a very emotional person as well and never knew just how tuned in an animal can be to our stressors. I hope it all changes for you and kitty.
Re: My cat bites me when I cry or am upset.
Thanks again for your replies. This problem did NOT start by my confining him. That is not what is causing his aggression. I promise you that. I am not saying that it helps, but it is NOT the cause of the situation. When he gets in this state, he is unstoppable. A water bottle would slightly deter him, but he is in a sort of attack mode and can't be stopped. It doesn't even matter that I restrain my emotions and try to be as calming as I can. He just switches into this mode and nothing snaps him out of it except time away from me. And aside from the other night when I had him in my bathroom, it usually isn't even "confining" so much as being in a different (spacious) room from me that he spends all of his time in anyway.
Trust me, I am not mistreating him. And I don't cry every day or even every week! And it is just plain old crying.
And yes, it does have to do with my crying...that is the only time he does this. How I handle the situation is a result of his aggressive reaction to my simple crying. The first few times it happened, I didn't confine him...I just hid under my blankets...made sadder by the fact that my cat needed to bite me. And yes, it is absolutely rare that this is what is happening.
I am sure he isn't fond of having lived with other people/cats in his life. But living alone has not been possible thus far. He has always been a bit skittish around other folks, and moreso as he gets older. My roommates appreciate him when he lets them, but he isn't as open to loving up to most anyone but me. He has always been that way. Aside from possibly just being sick of roommates in general, it doesn't seem to be about them. He started this behavior when I lived with a different person. And again...this only starts when I'm crying...so I am not sure what it has to do with them.
As for the vet...I don't know the technical terms for the bloodwork he had done. I informed the vet of my concerns and they did what I hoped was necessary to make sure that he is healthy. And they told me he is. I could be wrong, but I did not hear anything about a thyroid function test. Is that something a vet would perform when trying to diagnose the health of a cat? If I had to ask for that specifically, I am certain I would not have been aware of that.
I know that aggression is often a sign of a health problem. But what about aggression directly in response/reaction to his owner crying (minus screaming, throwing things, drinking/smoking, or any other poor treatment you seem to think I am giving him)?
While there may be something unseen here....the facts are simple. My cat bites/attacks me when he sees me crying. And it is very strange. I would love to stop this activity, but the only remedy is to not be near him if I have to cry.
Thanks again!
Trust me, I am not mistreating him. And I don't cry every day or even every week! And it is just plain old crying.
And yes, it does have to do with my crying...that is the only time he does this. How I handle the situation is a result of his aggressive reaction to my simple crying. The first few times it happened, I didn't confine him...I just hid under my blankets...made sadder by the fact that my cat needed to bite me. And yes, it is absolutely rare that this is what is happening.
I am sure he isn't fond of having lived with other people/cats in his life. But living alone has not been possible thus far. He has always been a bit skittish around other folks, and moreso as he gets older. My roommates appreciate him when he lets them, but he isn't as open to loving up to most anyone but me. He has always been that way. Aside from possibly just being sick of roommates in general, it doesn't seem to be about them. He started this behavior when I lived with a different person. And again...this only starts when I'm crying...so I am not sure what it has to do with them.
As for the vet...I don't know the technical terms for the bloodwork he had done. I informed the vet of my concerns and they did what I hoped was necessary to make sure that he is healthy. And they told me he is. I could be wrong, but I did not hear anything about a thyroid function test. Is that something a vet would perform when trying to diagnose the health of a cat? If I had to ask for that specifically, I am certain I would not have been aware of that.
I know that aggression is often a sign of a health problem. But what about aggression directly in response/reaction to his owner crying (minus screaming, throwing things, drinking/smoking, or any other poor treatment you seem to think I am giving him)?
While there may be something unseen here....the facts are simple. My cat bites/attacks me when he sees me crying. And it is very strange. I would love to stop this activity, but the only remedy is to not be near him if I have to cry.
Thanks again!
Re: My cat bites me when I cry or am upset.
You said he had bloodwork, so I assume you knew what that bloodwork was. Was it a CBC? Was it a "chem" profile? Did you not look at your invoice and determine what was done? Did the vet not say "I want to draw some blood and run some tests" and explain what those were?
A thyroid function test is usually a seperate test that needs to be done from a blood draw...depending on the clinic's lab capabilities, it could be done there or would have to be sent to an outside lab, with results achieved a day or two later. In a 9+ year old cat, this would be a recommended test combined with the blood profile. Given your chief complaints about his behavior, that would have (and should have) been amoung the things your vet recommended during diagnostic workup.
I assumed nothing when I asked questions about what else was occuring when you are emotional (smoking, drinking, etc), they were questions, as part of a history and rule-outs.
I never implied that confining him was the cause. I said that confining is compounding the situation, and explained why.
If he's ONLY doing it when you are crying, then the remedy seems simple enough. If this were me, I would simply go outside, take a walk, calm down and return when you are in a better state of mind. This would not only help you, but it would help your kitty in that, he wouldn't even know you had been crying. Seems very simple.
A thyroid function test is usually a seperate test that needs to be done from a blood draw...depending on the clinic's lab capabilities, it could be done there or would have to be sent to an outside lab, with results achieved a day or two later. In a 9+ year old cat, this would be a recommended test combined with the blood profile. Given your chief complaints about his behavior, that would have (and should have) been amoung the things your vet recommended during diagnostic workup.
I assumed nothing when I asked questions about what else was occuring when you are emotional (smoking, drinking, etc), they were questions, as part of a history and rule-outs.
I never implied that confining him was the cause. I said that confining is compounding the situation, and explained why.
If he's ONLY doing it when you are crying, then the remedy seems simple enough. If this were me, I would simply go outside, take a walk, calm down and return when you are in a better state of mind. This would not only help you, but it would help your kitty in that, he wouldn't even know you had been crying. Seems very simple.
..........Traci
Re: My cat bites me when I cry or am upset.
Well I am unable to find the invoice from the tests at this time, but...as already established, this seems to only happen when I am upset.
I don't know too many people who feel like walking around outside weeping in the streets of NYC when they are sad...not that it hasn't happened before, but ideally you want to be in the comfort of your own home. Of course to avoid these situations with my cat I often will alter my behavior by not being around him. I have been interested in trying to understand this situation better for a few years now and I can't seem to find any other people with this situation online. Being that I currently have some valid reasons to have a good cry every now and again (due to personal family illness) I would love to know a better way to handle things other than just leave the comfort of my privacy. If a better way exists?
Thanks again for your attention!
I don't know too many people who feel like walking around outside weeping in the streets of NYC when they are sad...not that it hasn't happened before, but ideally you want to be in the comfort of your own home. Of course to avoid these situations with my cat I often will alter my behavior by not being around him. I have been interested in trying to understand this situation better for a few years now and I can't seem to find any other people with this situation online. Being that I currently have some valid reasons to have a good cry every now and again (due to personal family illness) I would love to know a better way to handle things other than just leave the comfort of my privacy. If a better way exists?
Thanks again for your attention!
You can call your vet and ask him to fax you or email you the bloodwork that was done on your cat, it's always good to have them on file anyway, just in case. I keep copies of every single trip to the vet, with all bloodwork, UA's, even prescription food. If you have had all the physcial exams done for your cat (bloodwork, UA's and everything your vet recommends) you may want to try getting a second opinion and then have a feline behavioral expert give an analysis.
Re: My cat bites me when I cry or am upset.
Then go in another room, with the door closed, turn on a radio or tv to mask the sounds. Ask your roommates to play with kitty, while you're taking time for yourself. When you are done crying, compose yourself and act like nothing is unusual, then approach kitty as you normally would. Wipe all the tears because cats can smell the salt from tears, etc.
..........Traci