please, some advice

[towergirl22]

Hi. I didn't know where else to go with this question. I'm 24 years old and I've had my cat Sebastian for 4 years. He's a great cat and I love him so much. However, he's terrified of everything. Even after 4 years with him, he'll still jump and hide under the bed if I make a sudden move. Anyway, I moved into an apartment by myself back in May and things have been good. Of course, it's always quiet here since i'm alone and he comes out more now. When people come over, he still hides. You wouldn't even know I had a cat. The problem is that I'm moving again (in with my boyfriend, who has a dog - and sometimes watches his mom's dog as well). The house is very small, but I have a room designated for the cat (with a gate to separate him from the dogs if he is scared). The dogs are not malicious towards cats. They are extremely friendly. However, I'm worried sick that Sebastian isn't going to adapt to the new environment and (God forbid) die of fright or something. This whole situation is breaking my heart, even though I knew it would come to this one day when I got married, had a family, etc. Is there any advice on how to help him cope with the move? And with the new situation? I don't know what to do! I don't want him to be unhappy! And i DON'T want to give him away or anything of the sort. I could let him stay with my mother (he's lived in that house already, with me), but I'm the only one he trusts and loves, and I couldn't bear to just leave him there. It was hard enough getting him to cope with the apartment (he didn't come out from under the bed for about a week and a half-and that was without dogs). He's been around a dog before, but that was my old pug, who pretty much just sat around. What can I do? Sorry this was so long and thanks

[Traci]

What breeds are the dogs?

[towergirl22]

one is a mut (she's medium-sized and somewhat shy) and the other is a labradoodle. They're both friendly and wonderful dogs. My cat is an indoor cat.

[Traci]

How old was Sebastian when you adopted him? Was he a stray or feral cat? Did he have an abusive or bad environment before?

What methods have you tried to get him to be more sociable? Ideally, you will have to work hard to get him socialized to other humans and other pets. Small, short, introductions are the best, with your supervision. Everyone needs to "earn" his trust, not the other way around.

Moves and relocation are tough on cats, they do not handle stress like humans, as a matter of fact, they can develop serious health problems as a result of stress, one in particular, hepatic lipidosis, which requires immediate and agressive treatment. So you have to ensure that the move is quiet, calm, smooth and not stressful, that he is eating/drinking normally, normal litterbox habits, not depressed and withdrawn and not suffering sudden signs of illness (these can develop quickly or take several months to develop, you have to monitor him closely).

Your BF will have to be actively involved in kitty's routines, including feeding, litterbox duty, bonding, playing, etc. Don't confine kitty to one room only, unless it is ONLY during the introduction period. Cats need to run, exercise, play, feel safe and secure in their domain. While the dogs may be docile and nice and everything, both of you will have to train the dogs to respect Sebastian and his needs, his belongings (food/water dish, toys, his own space, bedding, time with you alone, etc), respect his boundaries, etc. Supervise the dogs at all times to ensure Sebastian's safety and security. With time, patience and comittment, all the pets can live harmoniously in the environment, you just have to be keen to their individual needs.

During the move, move all your belongings, furniture, boxes etc BEFORE you actually take Sebastian and his things. Then set up a room in the new apt for him and his food/water, litterbox, toys, bedding, etc. You can try leaving the door ajar because he may be curious and want to venture out, but teach the dogs not to enter IN this room. Slowly, encourage Sebastian out of the room and invite food, playtime or a bonding session in the livingroom for example, and do NOT force him to be near the dogs. If he hisses/growls, etc, that's normal, but DO allow him to retreat to his room if he's scared. Leave him be for a short while, then attempt again. Use calm, soothing voice when he is learning to share the same space with his new family. The dogs should be kept as quiet and as calm as possible when Sebastian is introduced into the space, and your supervision at all times. Calm and soothing voices and commands to the dogs will help too. They will be just as curious, but it's probably best that the nose-sniffing, etc are at Sebastian's convenience. He needs to feel safe and secure around the dogs, so keeping them calm as possible will allow him to determine they are not a threat. You have to be consistent though, and make the routines consistent.

DO spend quality time with Sebastian in an area(s) he feels most secure and safe in. Play with him, encourage playtime and activity, he needs your attention and devotion during this stressful time. Have the BF be equally as devoted. When he shares in the care, then Sebastian will also feel more comfortable with another human, and eventually can feel more comfortable with other humans.

Make time for short introduction periods as often as possible (but do NOT force introductions). Supervise, but try not to intervene unless necessary. The more often introductions are allowed, the sooner all the pets will become accustomed to one another.

When the dogs are out to potty or playing, spend special time with Sebastian so he can run, play with his toys, get exercise, etc. Likewise, when Sebastian is sleeping etc, spend time with the dogs so they can expend their energy.

Keep the litterbox and food/water dishes out of reach to the dogs, and likewise, don't let Sebastian eat the dog's food. If the dogs even once find the cat's food, this can disrupt everything you are trying to achieve. Feeding stations should always be kept seperate. The litterbox is personal, and the dogs shouldn't be allowed near it.

The key is slow, slow, slow introductions, calmly, and ensuring all the pets are comfortable and not showing stress. Do whatever it takes for each pet to be comfortable, try to keep things routine and consistent and do be sure to always ensure that Sebastian is safe from too much curiosity/harm from the dogs.

[towergirl22]

Sebastian was a stray. He may have had some trauma in the past, but I'm not sure. Someone brought him and his sister to the vet's when they were kittens. Me and my mom took his sister too, but she died shortly after we took her. The vet said she had worms. I thereafter learned that this vet was not a good vet. He wasn't practicing the profession normally. Ex: When Sebastian was neutered, the vet gave him back to me all knocked out. He said this was ok (how would I know? I never had a cat). It was terrible. Needless to say, I don't go to that vet anymore. Sebastian has always been like this, always scared.

With regard to the move, the only door that is on the hinges is to the bedroom (the house is small and we took all the other doors off - i.e. to the office, living room- to make the house look bigger). Therefore, I thought I'd put up a gate to keep the dogs away from the cat in the beginning. If I could trust that they get along, I would take the gate down, of course.

Sebastian isn't a very curious cat. He likes to play, but only with me. He's very self-reserved. He's never been one to run around the house. When he lived with me and my parents (who have 2 other cats), the other cats would fight with him. He's not a fighter.

I just want him to be happy in his environment, but I can't live alone with him forever, and that's the only way i feel he'll ever be happy.

My BF is actively involved in everything. He slept over a few weeks ago and at 4AM Sebastian actually jumped on the bed and cuddled with both of us (which was very very odd for him).

As for the sleeping situation, it will probably change. Sebastian usually sleeps in bed with me, and I have no problem keeping it that way. However, with the new environment and the fact that the dogs sleep in the room as well (on the floor, not the bed), I know he'll never come in there. He'll sit outside the door and cry but never come in. That's the way he is. He wants me to go to him. Unfortunately, I always accomodate him and he has learned this (I wasn't aware that I was conditioning this). I hate to hear him cry but he's free to come in! It is stressful to cope with.

I just don't know what to do. Reading your post, Traci, I worry even more about his health. Sebastian is my first cat and I thought I was a good caregiver for him. I've done everything in my power to make him happy and it seems that it's just never enough. I feel like I've failed as an owner. I've only tried to do the best that I could, and I've loved him and still do more than ever.

I'll take your advice and use short introduction periods. The house is loud (obviously much louder than me living on my own with just him). I hope with time he will adjust. I'll of course spend as much time as possible with him. He is my #1 concern.

One last thing - I bought him a cat carrier (it's more like a house, it's bigger than a carrier and is a canvas material) and he loves it. However, he still doesn't like to be picked up in it and cries, but it's better than the tiny plastic one that I had to fight to get him into. He actually goes into this one on his own and I set it up in my living room. He plays in it and everything. I read on a website that when moving you should leave the cat in the carrier (with all sides covered except the entrance hole) in the room with me and my BF and just hang out in the room normally with him in there (obviously not for a long a period of time), so that he'll see that he can sit there and we aren't a danger to him. Should I do this?

[Traci]

Consider putting up the door to the bedroom at least....if Sebastian can see the dogs, he's going to be fearful for awhile. He has to have some sort of protection that he feels safe. You can leave the door slightly ajar, and teach the dogs not to enter the room for the first couple weeks or so, play it by ear.

I think I would put his carrier in the bedroom first for a couple weeks or so, as long as the dogs aren't allowed in this room for awhile. He has to have at least ONE room where he feels safe and secure and that he can call his own space. If you put it in the livingroom for example, where the dogs are most likely to normally be, he will avoid his carrier and possibly indefinately because he will associate it as unsafe.

He might just surprise you, cats are suprisingly resiliant, but you WILL have to keep stress reduced at all costs and monitor him for signs of stress that could lead to health problems.

When exactly are you moving in? You can always post back with updates and we can always try to help during the steps to take, etc.

[towergirl22]

I'm moving in the middle of January. My BF is going away on vacation from 1/19 - around 1/24, so I'm taking the cat during that time. I thought it would be better to introduce him to the environment when it was quiet and while I'm the only one there. The dogs will not be there.

The door on the bedroom is up, but that's not where I was going to keep Sebastian. He will have the "office", which is where his litter box and food/water will be. It doesn't have the door up, but I was going to put a gate there. I think the door is still somewhere around, so I could put it up if necessary. The dogs don't really go in there unless one of us is in there, but obviously I'll keep them out with the gate. I like the gate there because if anything happens he can jump over it and get away from the dogs. Knowing him, he may not jump over it and out of the room to begin with. I know I'll have to take the gate up and down to coax him out.

I was going to hold him and have my BF hold the dog and introduce them with soft voices. I'm only going to introduce him to one animal at a time. i'm going to speak to my BF about telling his mother that he cannot watch Ollie (labradoodle) for at least a month until Sebastian gets settled in. That way, the medium-sized dog (Trinny) will be our only obstacle.

I'm going to leave all of his things (i.e. toys, carrier/house, litter box, food/water) in the office. There's not much space to hide in there, but I was going to keep the closet 1/4 open so he can just jump in there if he wants to. He's always been a hider.

When we lived with my parents, Sebastian stayed under our living room couch all day and only came out early in the morning and at night. I had tried to coax him out, but he never went for it, and I could never get him out of there (it was a bed-couch and he crawled up and into it). Our couch at the new house is flush to the ground, but we're going to raise it, so maybe he can hide there in the living room if he wants to.

He's a very stubborn cat. I try to get him to open up (i.e. when my BF or company comes over, I'll try to get him from under the bed, pick him up and sit him down with us and we pet him, but that lasts for about 30 seconds and he's squirming and runs back into the bedroom under the bed). He's not a cat who particularly enjoys being picked up. I can pick him up, but after about a minute he gets finicky. He'd prefer to be on the ground and be petted.

I hope he surprises me. I'm going to work hard at this. Hopefully I'll be able to reverse some of the stuff I've taught him to be accustomed to. The thing is, I didn't even realize I was doing these things. I've been overly considerate to him. For example, I try to be quiet, open doors quietly, not get up too quickly, etc. Maybe I should have tried to get him used to these things. He does adapt, though. I notice that certain noises, after time, don't scare him anymore, such as pulling back blinds on my sliding door to the balcony.

Sebastian is also a kneader. He always has been. We'll lay in bed and he'll lay in the crook of my arm and knead my chest or my legs. He's good with me. He lets me cut his nails and he loves to be brushed. Thank God for small favors ha.

Thank you for your help with all of this. Worrying over his well-being is making me kinda sick. I'm frazzled. Hopefully everything will work out fine. I'll keep you updated.

[Traci]

Don't raise the couch, this could be dangerous to him.

When was he last checked by your vet?

[towergirl22]

he hates going to the vet. it always scares him. i need to make an appointment, it's been awhile, but he's healthy. He eats every day, drinks and uses the litter box. He's never even been outside. I was going to bring him before i moved him to the new house

[towergirl22]

Hey everyone! Just wanted to say that I completed the move and things are going WONDERFULLY! Sebastian has his own room and I bought him a new cat tree to climb on, which he loves. He's pretty good with the dog (doesn't hiss/scratch). Actually, he could care less that the dog is there, and the dog is kinda scared of HIM! He's been crying to come out of the room-the gate is up, and even though he can jump over, he's spoiled and he won't , so I let him out last night and he was hanging out with us on the couch. He's still a little nervous (of course), but when I left the house this morning my bf was still in bed, the dog was on the bed, and the cat was under the covers curled at my bf's feet So I figured I'd give you guys this update and post a picture of my little man:



I'm so proud of him!