feline separation anxiety - how do you deal with it?

[Tina B and crew]

Actually goes both ways...me and the cat! Seriously folks....I found that I have horrible separation anxiety when I leave Willow. I went to visit my daughter in Florida over the Thanksgiving holiday and we left Willow here and had my mom and dad check in on her a couple times a day. Playing with her was out of the question because they never saw her at all...just made sure she had food and water. I had my other daughter come to the house (she lives 2 hours away) after a couple days because I got terrible worried. When she opened the door Willow promptly greeted her with pitiful meows and begged her to play. She stayed her for half a day and said Willow soaked up the attention but once she left my mom and dad never saw her again!

Anyway...I was miserable worrying about her while I was gone and from now on will either board her (I hate the thought) or have someone come stay here. She was fine when we came home but scolded us severely while telling us her adventures.

Now...in January I am traveling abroad (to Turkey) and will be gone for almost a month. I'm somewhat worried about how Willow (and I) will handle that. My DH will be here but whenever I'm gone he says Willow vocalizes her displeasure quite noticeably. Will she hate me when I return? I plan on leaving a tape of my voice as well as some worn clothes and plenty of socks (willow likes to play with my socks when I'm gone for the day)....the thought of returning home and having her shun me just makes me sad

Anyone else deal with this separation anxiety? Please tell me I'm not a fool! My poor DH, I haven't mentioned the potential of missing him at all..bless his heart!

[Cleo]

You're not a fool. I get major separation anxiety when away from my cats at extended period of times.

My sister lives 40 minutes north of me and I used to love spending weekends there. I loved getting out of my busy town and spending quiet time in the country. She doesn't really live in the country but if I can hear the birds singing and nothing else, it's country to me! Needless to say, I don't do it anymore. Someone on this end could always feed them for me but I just miss them, each and every one of the them. Needless to say, I haven't gone on vacation in 7 years.

Besides, someone showed their displeasure the one time I was too tired to drive home and slept out overnight by urinating on my comforter. Hasn't happened since. I'm not stupid.

[Traci]

Can you remind me again, how old is Willow?

I'm with both of you, I haven't had a "real" vacation out of state for some time either, and mainly because I don't want to leave my babies. When I do however, I do have a family member come into my home twice a day and stay for as long as they can. They are always welcome to just live in my house if they want, but with strict instructions about the doors, keys, lights, and other instructions for the cats. I always make it a point to call when I know the person is going to be there.

If possible, avoid boarding, at all costs! If you were to board her for a month, this could be really detrimental to her health and well being. It would be a very stressful environment for her, little to no chance for activity...forget what someone might tell you about boarding facilities, with a large number of animals, caged for the majority of the day, there isn't one person who could give her all the time and attention and chance for activity she would need. Plus, they would not be FAMILY, whom she knows and trusts and is comfortable with. For a day or two, sure, boarding wouldn't be so stressful, but I would never recommend anything longer than a day or two.

Maybe Mom and Dad aren't inclined to actually seek Willow out and spend the time necessary to coax her into playing, bonding, etc? If anything, they truly should at least LOCATE her and make sure they see her physically each time they are in the home, to ensure Willow is ok. Maybe they could stay for a while and watch tv or something, and Willow might come out eventually to see them?

I think I would start NOW, in getting hubby set to a routine that YOU are accustomed to with Willow. Have him share in ALL the duties regarding Willow, her feeding, changing litterboxes, bonding, cuddling, playing, etc. If he has equal responsibilities for her, then she might feel less stressed when you are gone. Hopefully he is home every day or evening?

If possible, maybe your daughter can make scheduled trips to your house when you're gone? Obviously Willow knows her, trusts her, appreciates her etc, so if possible, maybe daughter can visit as often as she can?

While you are gone, try to call daily, ask hubby or daughter to hold phone to Willow's ear so she can hear your voice. No, it's not stupid, I do it all the time, my cats love hearing my voice, and seem perkier when they do. If you call when no one is there, at least leave a message on an answering machine, talk to her like you normally would, and for at least several minutes, call her name, say something she associates with a good feeling, etc.

As for YOUR seperation anxiety, there isn't alot you can do about that save for talking to her via phone or answering machine, making sure hubby is doing everything he can towards keeping her calm, comfortable, played with and attention given her. You can take one of her toys with you, perhaps a pic of her, and this might help you feel closer to her. I don't think I could leave my babies for that long unless it was a true emergency situation, but even then, I would leave them with a trusted family member and request they actually live in my house for that time.

What's in Turkey? Sounds like a lifetime opportunity!

[Tina B and crew]

Traci, Willow is around 7 with no health problems. As far as boarding goes I would NEVER board her unless it was the only viable option. The only reason I'd consider it is because it is out of the question to get my parents, if they were the only ones to do it, to give Willow the attention she needs. They are fine with Gizmo living with them, in fact my dad has bonded so much with Gizmo he will probably live his life out with my parents. The problem with Willow is she has a propensity to bolt out the door if given the opportunity. Tim and I know how to handle it with her but my parents don't and frankly both of them would rather not even risk her getting out if they are taking care of her. When we went away for Thanksgiving I had to put up a gate about 2 feet inside the door so when they opened the door she couldn't run out. My dad would come in, shut the door and call Willow but never heard her She did however eat normally while gone so in the end she didn't suffer. My preference would be to get someone to stay here if I could, but it's not easy. Yes, I have friends who will go pet sit for each other's dogs, but nobody wants to mess with cats...some friends huh? My sister might would do it, but even she expresses reservations. Unless someone really seems happy to do it I'm not comfortable having them take on the job. Typically Tim and I don't travel together because of our schedules. Sad for us but it works best for the cats!

As far as my trip in January....I'm not as concerned for Willow being taken care of. Tim's a good daddy....she loves him too, she's just "my cat"...she sticks by me like glue. She pines for me when I'm away...LOL She will have daily attention and care. It's not feasible for me to call everyday as I won't have a cell phone that works in Turkey. Our guide will but I can't ask to use it to call my cat as calls back to the states are not cheap. I'll call when I can...and there is no guarantee that I'll be able to call when Tim is at home considering the time difference. I can tell you that leaving Willow was the biggest obstacle in my way of going...but it's really a once in a lifetime trip and as much as I love my cat I can't imagine never leaving home because of her...that is why I always look for good options to have her taken care of....I'm sure we will both survive, even if we do miss each other!

The trip is an educational one where we will be traveling to various historical and religious sites in the country. We will be traveling all over, with the exception of the far eastern section, far northern section and the border of Iraq. It's with a group of students from school led by the chaplain of the school. I'm excited and nervous at the same time...21 days abroad in a strange country! I'm looking forward to trying the food as I understand it is divine! She told me I'd never eat American yogurt after trying the stuff in Turkey. Additionally we will get to spend about 2 days in Istanbul with free time to do what we want.