Help!! Cat agreesive with kids and dogs.

[tanyaandallie]

I really need the help from people who know more about cats. My family has taken in a cat. VERY long story, but the cat belonged to my sisters ex-husband. He passed away a little over a year ago. He had a dog and 2 cats. We got the dog adopted out and my sister took in the 2 cats - a tonkinese and a bengal. The bengal was huge, a big bully, puked all over her house, etc. My sister has had some personal problems and was unable to care for them. Her husband dumped the bengal at the spca. I took the tonk b/c I was afraid he was either going to dump her or send her outside.

So, she came to live with us and our 2 dogs and 2 children (2 and 4). She has been with us about 2 mos now. For the first few weeks she mostly stayed in our spare room. Eventually she started coming out of her room and interacting with us. For a period of about 4 or 5 weeks she would meow all night long. I really think she had extreme separation anxiety since she was separated from the cat she had lived with her whole life.

She loves my husband and I. She wants to sit with us all the time. We were so happy when she came out of her shell and stopped hiding, would play with a shoe string, etc.

Now for the problems. She is mean to our children and our dogs. She has lived with dogs her whole life so I don't know why she is aggressive with them. My dogs are very curious of her. We have given all of them 2 mos and I thought they would be ok by now. But, if any of the dogs gets anywhere near her, she hisses and scratches at them. She will actually go towards the dogs like she is trying to start something. She has actually scratched one of the dogs on the face 2 times now. Last night she chased my female dog for no reason at all.

The biggest problem, of course, is the kids. She just does not like the kids. She has scratched both of our children numerous times. In the begining I thought ok, she is just trying to get used to them or maybe my daughter (4) was just bothering her too much. But now it's just gotten worse. Last week the cat was sitting on the back of the couch. I stopped to pet her and my dd came over to pet her. The second she went to pet her the cat scratched her on the hand. This morning my husband was sitting on the couch with her and the kids. My daughter came over to pet the cat. Cat immediately scratched out at her (missed her) freaked out and jumped on my son trying to get away. She scratched my son's eye and his lip. Literally a hair away from his eye.

My husband wants to get rid of the cat asap. We have considered having her declawed. I just don't know what to do. I have never been a cat person (always owned dogs). I don't know how you discipline a cat. She just runs away when something like this happens. She is so sweet to my husband and I but anytime my kids come near (esp. my daughter) she gets agressive. Simply not acceptable for us to have a pet in our home that continues to harm our kids.

What do I do? How do I make her stop? Would she be better off in a different home? My sister has things together and could take her but that would be another move for the poor cat. Any help is greatly appreciated!

[Traci]

My sister has things together and could take her but that would be another move for the poor cat.

Are you certain about this?

Perhaps kitty's prior environment wasn't as harmonious as you think. She could have been stressed with the other dog and possibly the bengal and it doesn't sound like the bengal was properly cared for or helped for his behavior. This occurs quite often with pets in a stressful environment, like a domino effect, if one pet is ill or stressed or has a behavioral issue and it never gets addressed properly, then the situation just escalates and the pet(s) continue to suffer.

It really sounds like kitty has been thrust into an environment that is extremely stressful for her. I assume your sister had no children in the previous environment? How old is the kitty? How was the interaction between her and the other dog?

Small children and pets are oftentimes not always a good mix, depending on the cat, the environment and the way the children handle and treat the cat. Have you taught your children to properly handle her, and have you given kitty enough time to adjust to the children and the two dogs? Do you supervise the children and the dogs with kitty? What breeds are the dogs, and do they intimidate or chase her or create a fearful environment for her in any way? Did you introduce the introduction period slowly, gradually and ensure her safety/security in the environment?

The children should be taught NOT to always approach kitty suddenly without warning. They should learn to approach her slowly, and to put out their hands at kitty's eye level first, palm side up so she can smell them, and only allow petting if kitty is comfortable with it. The cat needs to learn to trust the children and not be fearful. You should supervise at all times to ensure both she and the children are interacting properly, are safe, and if kitty is fearful or apprehensive in any way, then the children should respect that and leave her be until kitty feels safe and secure enough to approach the children on her own. This can be a long process in learning trust, so be patient and forgiving and make sure the children respect her needs and her space.

Please do not declaw unless and until you've given more comittment to this. Remember that the children are very young, they make sudden movements, they are noisy, they want to play all the time, and to a cat, this is not an easy adjustment. Same for the dogs, make sure they respect the cat's space, involve yourself consistently and ensure introductions are done properly and that kitty has a safe haven to retreat to if she's stressed. It sounds like a totally opposite environment than what she was prior used to, so you have to understand that and be patient and create a calm, comfortable environment for her. Of course, lots of quality time spent with her, interactive playtime and activity, and supervision between her, the kids, the dogs to determine how they interact, provide for their safety, etc.

If you are totally certain the sister has her act together now, and can properly provide for kitty's needs, health, safe and secure environment, it might not be such a bad idea to return her to an environment she was comfortable in, felt safe and secure in. But, do make sure you know this for sure before considering returning her to that environment. If the sister is so together now, I have to ask, why hasn't she asked for the kitty back?

[Cindy]

Or perhaps you can contact a breed rescue?

http://purebredcatbreedrescue.org/tonkinese.htm

[tanyaandallie]

Thank you both for your advice. After talking to my sister, the cat cannot go back to her. And you are right, her life at my sisters was nuts. We actually had the cats going to a rescue group right after ex-bils death but my sister had some weird attachment issues to the cats (b/c they belonged to her ex) and kept them. Needless to say, life in my sisters home was NOT harmonious. 3 cats, an african gray parrot, a huge alaskan malamut, another dog, my sister, her husband, my less than gentle nephew (10) all in a very small (maybe 800 sq ft) home. Total insanity.

I really wanted to give the cat a good home. My dd just loves the cat but the cat just doesn't like her at all. After the first few scratching incidents my kids won't go near her unless we are holding her. Today my husband was actually holding the cat when this all happened. My kids are, well, kids. They can be hyper, etc. but this morning it was very quiet, watching tv.

I guess what I'm wondering is this. What is best for the cat? I just hate for the poor cat to go through yet another transition to a new home. But, while we are willing to work with her, I don't know that we have tons and tons of time to dedicate to her. Would she be better off in a different home or should we keep working with her. I have this horrible feeling giving up on the cat. My younger sister and I have worked in dog rescue for many years so I feel as though I am abandoning an animal.

My plan was to take her to vet tomorrow. I'm not sure why. Just to make sure there is nothing wrong with her and maybe get some advice on how to help the situation. I feel like a moron b/c I have no idea how to deal with a cat. I'm in my 30's and have never owned one. I know how to deal with a dog, just not a cat!

[tanyaandallie]

I forgot to add info on her enviornment in our home.

Our 2 dogs are big (mixed breeds). One would love to chase the cat all around the house if allowed. The other is pretty fearful and would not. That cat basically has her own room in our house. Used to be the dogs room, now the cats. The first 2 weeks we kept her locked in the room. We would go in and visit her, but we wanted her to get used to our house, etc. Eventually she stopped hiding all the time and started meowing and scratching at the door b/c she wanted out. So, we started leaving the door open more. Now the door is almost always open so she can go back in there (under the bed) any time she wants. We did intro slowly. I honestly have no idea how to get the cat and the dogs to get along. Our dogs have never been around cats much. I do not believe they would hurt her, I think they just want to play with her but she is obviously scared and goes nuts if they get too close to her.


Sorry, I know this is really long. Just want to make sure you have all the info.

[MJ]

A dog that would like to chase her is definitely bad...

And also, giving the cat the room that used to belong to the dogs... That could definitely cause stress and hostility for both the cat and the dogs.

It seems like you would have to put in a lot of time with training/helping the behavior of both the cat AND the dogs in this situation.

[Traci]

Yep, I agree. If there were scents from the dogs in the room she was locked in for two weeks, then that probably wasn't good (locking up for two weeks also wasn't the best thing, but we won't dwell on that now).

Plus, you DO have to devote time and patience with ALL the pets to introduce them properly, ensure the dogs respect the cat and her boundaries, ensure the cat has a safe place to retreat (where the dogs cannot get to). A dog who likes to chase cats is also not good. So, you also have to work diligently to train the dog not to chase, not to intimidate, and to respect the cat. If she was somewhat terrorized or fearful or extremely stressed in the previous environment, it sounds like her new environment isn't much different, only now she has TWO NEW dogs to contend with and TWO small children! If she lets one or both dogs know she is afraid of them and won't go near them and hisses or growls at them, then you know you have to step in and make her feel safe, seperate the cat from the dogs, and at the same time, teach the dogs she is off-limits at this point. You and hubby both should be equally involved with getting ALL the pets introduced, aquainted, involved in activity sessions with them, and supervise. The children can be allowed in the activity too of course, but your kitty will probably view this as all to much for her, UNLESS this is done slowly, to cater to her needs, and keeping within as calm and quiet environment as possible.

First, train the dogs to respect the cat when she doesn't want to be near them. Give a vocal command like "NO! --insert dog's name" to the dog(s) if they approach her and see to it that they back off immediately. It is the cat who should make the first approaches, on her own terms. While you supervise, you can allow the dogs to see her, even slowly go up to her to smell her, but only in limited amounts of time. If she hisses/growls, get the dogs to back off, give commands, and divert their attentions to something else. Same with the cat. Give her attention and love and playtime activities, special attention. This will need to be consistent and take some time, with lots and lots of patience, and equal efforts on the part of all the family members. Consistency is the key. Don't have one of you give commands and the other not repeat when necessary, or don't have the dogs doing something while the kitty is ignored, etc, vice versa. When the entire family keeps training consistent, then all the pets will respond to their commands, their behaviors, their routines, etc and will soon learn association.

Please always keep in the back of your mind, that with more than one dog, any situation can prompt them to go into "pack behavior", which means, if one dog is agitated with the cat for whatever reason, or gets too rambunctious, the other dog may follow suit, and the cat could be at serious risk for harm. This is why you have to train the dogs to respect the cat and her boundaries first. If they respond to common commands by you and the other family members, with consistency they should respond to new commands when they involve respecting the cat.

Do teach the children this system as well so that they know the cat's safety and well-being is paramount.

Choose times in the day or evening when it is quiet, when the dogs are calm and laying on the floor nibbling on their chew toys, etc. During these calmer times, engage in activity with the cat, with toys, interactive toys, playtime, etc. When she learns she can share the same space with the dogs and learns they are not going to hurt her with your supervision, she will soon learn trust and venture closer to them in time, and she will most likely want to investigate them on her own.

If you and the rest of the family are gone for long periods of the day, and especially in this situation, I would strongly advise keeping her in a closed room with food/water dishes, a bed, litterbox and toys, so that she is safe from the dogs. Or, if the dogs have an outside kennel, keep them in their kennel while kitty can explore the house on her own during the quietest times of the day. If you keep her in a room however, she will feel confined, stressed, lonely and may seem stand-offish when you return home, so please ensure this is only done to a minimum and let her out immediately for bonding, attention, playtime and activity. Personally, she should have as much access to the house as often as possible. When you do return home from work, etc, try not to have the pets rambunctious, anxious to see you, all at once, etc. Have each family member have a special duty for each pet and take turns so that all the pets have individual attention, time for play, but are kept as seperate as possible to minimize noise and stress. I know, busy families and all, but this can be done!

Kitty has been in what seems like a constant environmental change, and you have to understand cats cannot deal with stress as we humans can, they are extremely sensitive to stress and need catered to, pampered and made to feel safe and secure. She's been through an awful lot and I think it's entirely worth it to give this some time. Just make sure all the family members help out and keep things as consistent as possible.

Good idea on the vet visit, he can check her overall health and help you with tips on getting the pets acclimated. It won't happen overnight, but with patience and comittment, it can be done. Be aware that stress is a common precursor to many health issues in cats (and dogs), so keep a watchful eye on her, her eating/drinking, litterbox usage, make sure she isn't hiding or withdrawing, depressed, inactive, etc.

[mamabear]

I haven't read everything but I know what Traci will say and I am sure I will agree with what she says.

If you truely want to give kitty a good home, time and patience will prevail. I am sure kitty is so stressed out and for good reason. Although you have said that you are not a kitty person your love and compassion come through in your posts. If you are willing to try we can help with support and knowledge of what we know.

Kitty needs to see vet and yes it will be stressful but it is worth it.

Little by little you can teach your kids to respect kitty, which i am sure if your 10 yr old nephew wasnt gentle kitty has every right to be fretful. Heck i would be.

Time patience and lots of love. If you truely need to give her to a good home please make sure it is a single family, no dogs,no cats,no kids home. Her health is importannt and stress is just not going to help her. If you decide to keep her then good luck and keep us posted