Why can't people realize it's all worth it?

[JUDY S]

I made the mistake yesterday of mentioning to my mother and youngest sister that my husband may not agree to let me get another dog. I wouldn't be ready now, and I wouldn't want one that looks too much like Kujo, but my fence seems so empty without a large white dog running around in it. Anyway, the minute I mentioned another dog, my sister and mom jumped at me. My animals apparently cause me too much stress. My mother said that "if I didn't take it so hard it would be different". My husband is the only one that stands by me during my grief and doesn't try to rush me.

It's very hard when the people who care about you just want you to hurry up and be happy. I understand that it sucks to see someone you care about hurting, but you can't rush it. I just wish they could all realize that regardless of how much it hurts to loose one of my kids, they happiness they give my while I have them makes it all worth it.

[slvrwhispr]

My parents are the same way, Judy... they always say that I take things too hard. What they don't understand is that it's just the way I'm wired. And yea, I may have strong feelings on the negative end of the spectrum, but they're balanced out by strong feelings on the positive end, too! Some people just feel things more deeply than others, and dangit, there's nothing wrong with that!! *hugs for you*

[Traci]

If your family members don't understand, let it go, and lean on your husband for support. You cannot convince those who do not understand, to understand your reasons. Your grief, your emotions and your thoughts are yours alone, and you are not obligated to have to try to make your loved ones understand. There's no harm in sharing your grief and emotions, and I'm sure they want what is best for you, but you shouldn't ever have to feel bad for what others have to say.

[momPaws]

Judy, WE understand. I used to work with a gal who did not have any pets and she would never be able to understand what loving a special dog or cat can mean in your life. Your kids, like mine, are something unexplainable to those who don't 'get it'.
They mean well, I'm sure as they are just thinking of you.

[JUDY S]

I know they want what's best for me, but I get tired of people telling me how to feel! I guess I will just have to get use to it.

[mamabear]

JUDY the stress of them telling you NOT to is not good for you and your grieving. I know funny that I say that their talking is stressing you out when they are the ones saying that your loss is what is stressing you out. LOL

We of course all know about God and all think about what the big plan is and all of that. We support eachother and NEED to know all is well no matter what our beliefs are. Not everyone feels the same nor do they grieve the same. They have not gone through the trauma of your loss, and yes it was a trauma a very big one, so therefore they do not and can not understand that.

THe loss of my Grandpa last year was very painful BUT i saw him during my life and when I was pregnant with his 10th Great Grandchild I saw him in the hospital and with my dh and oldest son(the one who new him well) and we had a great time! He was the same old smart *beep* Guinea(he called himself that) that he always was even though he was dieing of Lung cancer(out of remission again). He was a widower and had lost a finance many years ago as well. He was 81 and died the way he wanted to and lived the way he wanted too. I could not cry over his death, i could only laugh and smile that he just did it his way. I was so honored that he was such an alive man so vibrant. Everyone thought it was stress because I was pregnant and in florida when he died. I came home to go to his funeral and not one tear did i shed. I had his 10th great grandchild 4 weeks later and miss him so much and cry that she will not know him. But everyone said that there must be something wrong with me for not crying. People are funny creatures we truly are.

I would have to say that you should get your support from your dh and just not talk to your family about getting any other dog at all. This is dh's and your disicion anyway so dont involve them. LOL When you are ready for a new puppy let me know and i'll go over some socialization stuff for ya. But for now grieve how you want and keep talking to your dh about your feelings. Forgive your family and dont be angry with them for not feeling like you do. In actuality they are only looking out for your best interest even though you might not think it. Good luck dear!

[JUDY S]

Thanks Mamabear. I know how you felt about your Grandpa. I loved my Grandfather, he was so much fun. He died two years ago, shortly after my beloved lab Cola got run over. She was technically my parents dog, but we were best friends since I was 17. I felt so bad because it almost hurt more to loose her unexpectedly, although she was getting old and loosing some of her hearing, then it did to loose Grandpa, but he was so ready to go. I still miss them both.

[mamabear]

Yep people dont get that God doesnt cry for the dead, he cries for the living. My gramps was so ready and knew it and said that he was fine. Its when it is unexpected that it devastates. Even when it is an animal, it is so painful.