cat not eating...

[Ash]

Hi Laura, how are you feeling today?

Laura, there certainly are Burning Ghats at the river, there is no city in India without them. You could ask a Rikshaw driver or basically just anyone who knows the city, and they will direct you to them. The crematoriums are unlikely to be willing to burn an animal - but then again, if you offer to pay well, they might.

Please, do not simply trust someone who says he will help you and says he will burn your cat and bring back the ashes. Possibly they would not burn her and bring you back some other ashes, simply to get easy money from you. Again, I feel sad to say this, and I don't mean to say all Indians are like that, but I have seen many Westerners here being cheated for money. It is not uncommon.

Insist that you accompany her at all stages. The ritual is that you yourself should be lightening the fire, so insist on that.

You might be quite right in thinking that Psycho had a condition already before you traveled with her and it surfaced here. This is what seemed to have happened to my neighbours cat too.

If you want you could still get the blood report from the first vet, that way you maybe would get more clarity as to what was wrong.

If all fails regarding the burning and or you feel it to be too stressful, you could cut a strand of hair from the tip of her tail and keep it in a locket.

I have posted a poem for you and Psycho in the "Prayer Book for Cats and Dogs" forum here on this board.

[turleyhead]

Hi Ash, I am pretty lousy, actually, but that's to be expected. I've been cleaning the house, which is a sure sign that I'm depressed. I get into cleaning frenzies when I'm upset. I haven't written to my family yet because they are dealing with a human death in the family right now and I didn't feel like it would be good to upset them even more just at the moment. My niece (10 next month) who was absolutely obsessed with Psycho (and god bless her, Psycho let her pick her up dozens of times a minute, and tolerated and I think even came to enjoy never being given a moment's peace when my niece was around) is going to be devastated.

I just read your poem and it was really lovely. Thank you for that.

I just started reading a book by Iris Murdoch and there was a line in it that kind of reflects how I feel: "This is always what happened. I would be at pains to put my universe in order and set it ticking, when suddenly it would burst again into a mess of the same poor pieces." Except in my case, there is one piece missing....

I'm going to ask my gardener about the ghats....he should know.

[Ash]

Dear Laura, I wish I could comfort you! It must be terribly hard for you. Just know that I've been there too and I know exactly how you feel now. Is this the first time you lost a beloved pet? It never gets any easier, and I still miss the ones I lost just the same than I did when they died. But the pain gets less in time, believe me, and you will slowly come to accept that she's gone, and life will go on. You have the comfort of knowing that she didn't suffer much and wasn't alone and in pain when she passed. That is worth so much!

Do you have a picture of her to post here?

[turleyhead]

Hi, no it's not the first time i've lost a pet. I've had two dogs that have also died, one at an old age and one quite young. I wish she hadn't suffered, but I think that is part of what is hard right now is that I know she did suffer, at least for the last 2 days. I almost wish I hadn't brought her to the vets because I think they caused more suffering than good, but I know at the time I was trying to save her and didn't really have a choice. I think in the US I she would have had 24-hour care and they would have been more concerned about her suffering and have offered something to ease her pain and been more honest about her condition and chances and would have been more forthright about discussing putting her down to eleviate her suffering. But no since in thinking about what ifs because there is no changing it anyway. I will just have to take comfort that it wasn't any worse than it was and that it didn't drag on like that for any longer. I thought she was about 10 years (she was a stray, so I could never be sure how old she was) but my vet in NY thought she was somewhere between 12-14 years, so if that's the case, then at least I feel like she lived to a decent age. I know she lived 6 years longer than she would've if I hadn't taken her in and she was really spoiled and pretty much ruled her universe during that time, so for that I am happy. I know she had a good life with us.

[turleyhead]

Re: her picture. This is the thing. She was an all-black cat with green eyes and so it was always difficult to get a good picture of her because the camera would always turn her into a big black blob with glowing eyes...not all that flattering. I may have one on my camera that I took a few weeks ago. I will look for it. The best picture I have of her is a watercolor painting that my 9-year-old niece did of her. She somehow really managed to capture her essence in a way that you wouldn't expect a 9-year-old to be capable of. We are going to frame it and put it up.

[Ash]

Please don't torment yourself with thoughts about what could have been. I now, this is easier said than done. You didn't know what was going to happen, nobody could have. And if you had not brought her to the vet here, you would now wish you had. Your intention were good and you took all the care, and that counts most in the end, don't you think. And I think Psycho had a good way to go, at home surrounded by those who loved her, and without too much suffering. And it sounds like she had a wonderful life with you! I don't know if thats helps.

What helped me a little when I lost a pet was knowing that NOW they are not suffering anymore. All suffering has ceased and they are at peace. My vet said to me, "she is now in God's hands, you cannot do anything anymore, let her go". That touched me very much, because it is so true. I pictured her being held by the loving hands of God ...

It helped me too to put up pictures, and flowers and candles and talk to them, say Goodbye and express my love and sadness ....

When my last cat died, a friend of mine, without me knowing, enlarged one of his photos and made a frame for it herself, it is so beautitful! Reminds me of your nieces painting.

If you do find a nice photo of her you can put it up in the "Debbies Cloud" forum here on this site.

And if you feel to share your feelings and thoughts in a more private setting, feel free to pm me. But you can also continue to post here or in the "Prayers" forum.

But everyone grieves differently, so if you don't like to share more, that's totally fine too. Just know that we are here to listen, if and when you need it.

Lots of hugs!!!