My dog & my family

[chef855]

Ok we had to put our dog that we had for 9 years down about 2-3 weeks ago. He had a brain tumor (or so we think) and the day that he was put down his back right leg was twitching uncontollably then he had off and on seizures and he was just getting worse and worse. He was losing cordination by the hour and at about 11:30is we put him down. I essenstially grew up with him. So I take a vacation and then we decide just to go donate the leftover dog food to the local humane socitey and what I thought would be just looking at dogs. We took one out to see and interact with in private with a humane socitey employee. Well, my dad likes her and my mom is okay with her kin of helping train her and stuff. Well, for me since I grew up with him i tokk his death the hardest and I think I am still greiving his death. The vacation helped take my mind off him and let me just relax before school starts. We get the new dog today and I was feeling pretty good emotionally then my worst emotional time of the day rolls around the 11 AM - 3 PM block I start to wonder if i'm ready and miss Smokey. I just don't think I am completley ready but my dad was ready like the day after Smokey's death. My mom said that we can just take her back if i'm not ready but I don't like that idea because I would feel guilty, ashamed, awful, because she really likes us but I just don't know I need some advice on what to do.

[Traci]

It takes time to grieve and it takes time to heal. It may take you longer than your parents because you may have been more attached to Smokey. It's OK to take as much time as you need, and to ask your parents to bear with you and stand by you as you deal with the grieving process. Your feelings are valid and you have to work through them as you feel most comfortable doing.

As for your new dog, do give her a chance. You very well may find that she will give you much love and joy. She will not replace Smokey, he will always have a special place in your heart, but I'm sure he would want you to give the new dog as much love as you gave to him. The cycle of love and life live on, sometimes through a new pet who needs your love and care.

Hang in there, take it one day at a time, and lean on your parents for support, they do understand.

[Tambrey]

I am sorry about the loss of your Smokey...that is a very hard thing to go through...I have been there myself a few times...and it never is easy...

Give yourself time to grieve, and your new family dog, time to adjust...3 weeks is not a long time to grieve for your Smokey...however, this dog is there, and I am sure she is desperately wanting and seeking ways to become a member of your family...just give her, and yourself, time...

Remember Smokey and the good times that you had, and begin to develop a relationship with this new dog...seeing her as a unique individual that can never take Smokey's place, but that you can grow to love in time...get to know the quirks and habits of this new dog, and figure out ways to interact that are comfortable for you...

In the meantime, until you are ready, try not to brush off the new dog, or ignore her, as she will pick up on your feelings and it will be harder to become closer later on...she does not know about Smokey, and she will only know your feelings towards her...dogs are very instinctive like that...Go ahead and feel sad for Smokey, but when you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll bet your new dog would be more than willing to let you cry on her shoulder...which will allow you to get your feelings out, and become close to her at the same time...

Do not feel that you are "betraying" Smokey or making light of his existance or being a part of your family...I am sure Smokey is very happy for this dog and the chance that your parents have given her to become a part of a family...Smokey knows how happy she will be, because he was happy...

Do you have a picture of Smokey that you can frame and put on your dresser or nightstand? A favourite place that you used to go with him and spend some time? Maybe a journal for memories to help you get through this difficult time?

Take care and know that in time, the pain does go away, and that there is a lucky dog waiting patiently for some love from you...

[E's]

I am very sorry about the loss of your beloved dog and can relate to the feelings you are having. As you follow the wise and caring advice given by Traci and Tambrey, another thing which could help at this time is for you to put together a scrapbook about Smokey... Either online or on paper (or both!) write out all your good memories, add pictures or drawings, keepsakes etc., and at the same time begin jotting down impressions of the new dog. Doing this could help you resolve some of the conflicts you are feeling, and keep your mind from going over the sad last days again and again. Also, the story of Smokey's happy life will be good to have in future years.

Take care, and please let us know how you are doing, okay?

Dot B
New Orleans

[Guest]

Thanks for the comforting words. I did take a picture of him before he was worse and we took that to one of those Kodak Photo Center thingies and improved the apperance of the picture and added text. We hung it up in the hallway that leads to our bedrooms and the bathroom so whenever you go to bed or anything you remember him. I remember having dreams about that moment when we would have to put him down about me just freaking out knocking over everything and hitting the vet because I was so enraged. But when I was watching Somkey before the vet and hearing him whine in what I though had to of been pain and just watching him fall over hurt too. Even before when he had a seizure that was so hard to watch him go through that and just be so out of breath afterwards and not know why or where in the house he was. So in a way I feel good that we did what we could until the end and as one of my mom's friends put it "Giving up somkey was the most selfless thing you could do in that situation. It truly showed how much you loved him."Last night my mom (Smokey thought she was God) and I both agreed that we want him back. I said I would give up so much just to have him back for even 5 minutes. It would be worth it. Once again thanks for the help.

[Guest]

I've been thinking since my last post and I am just wanting to be with Smokey so bad and just o know that it may be 70 more years yet hurts even worse. I just would do anything to have him back for any amount of time. Even though most posts in this section are just death announcements I came to this board looking for comfort and found some. I just want him back so badly but I know that that really isn't feasible but its so hard.