If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor
butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and
towering place, it will land on its feet.
But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a
cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its
feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?
And in response, thus spoke the Oracle:
Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able
to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the
butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline
aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the
combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this
paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.
That's right, you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get),
you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when
released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and
butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be
modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing
some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.
Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle
to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming
heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several
hundred tabbies.
The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread
off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land
on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right
after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship
and cheesed-off aliens crash on top of them.
hope you like that, i thought it was funny. btw., i do not condone
- removing cat limbs
- dropping cats from high places
- crashing ufo's on top of cats
