My husband HATES my cat!! I am worried about her safety!

[paulette2]

Dear NurseJamie,

It's is not your kitten who needs to learn right from wrong as you put it in your message. It is your husband who needs to learn that it is wrong to expect the impossible from an animal who does not have the level of intelligence he expects from it. I don't really think your kitten needs to learn the proper way to behave. She is behaving properly for her species & age. Children & pets are not adults and we cannot expect them to act like adults. This means putting up with certain behavior that can be annoying, tiring & yes, even destructive at times. But we put up with it because we love them -- they provide us with unconditional love, companionship, fun. The pros far outweigh the negatives.

You may be asking too much from your kitten. She is mischevious & curious -- that's normal! Think how stressful it must be for her -she doesn't understand why your husband is upset with her. How can she? Your husband may be under stress, but that's a part of everyone's life. There will always be problems he will have to deal with. It's not fair to kitty that should she make one false move, your husband will lose his patience with her.

Don't misunderstand me--I'm not putting your husband down. I'm sure that he's a decent person, but he has some issues with your pet. You don't want to set up a kind of battleground in your home. Your husband may never learn to love kitty, but he MUST learn tolerance and PATIENCE. He needs to understand that this is not an inanimate object we're talking about--this is living being with needs. I'm especially disturbed about what he said about nixing her bad habits. This doesn't sit well with me. I feel this could actually lead to the exact opposite of what you wish to accomplish.

I hope you will take this in the spirit in which I've written it. Since I've been on both sides of the fence I have an idea where your husband is coming from. I don't blame him -- I honestly don't think he understands about animals. Many people don't, but that's not a crime. But YOU do understand about animals. Please be very careful, Nurse Jamie. And please do go for counseling as someone else mentioned here. Even if your husband doesn't want to go. You are going to need a great deal of support/advice in how to deal with these problems. Good luck.

[jason]

He doesn't see them as part of the family like I do. He doesn't understand my love for her. To him it's "just a cat". I have always been an animal lover, and my life would be empty without my little baby kitten.

use associations that he can understand (things that he encounters or his hobbies) to help him understand. perhaps use a scenerio that is close to him from his past that mirrors in some way your love for animals.

for example : "remember that time when.....(fill in blank)....well, think about how that made you feel, this is what your doing to me."

My life wouldn't be the same without pets.

is he aware of this? perhaps part of what attracted you two together is somehow rooted in this very concept, im sure its something he needs to know if he is interested in the person he married.

Is there any hope for getting my husband to change his attitude about animals? Counseling is out of the question, he wouldn't understand. And other suggestions??

communication that aims at understanding as the purpose from the both of you. you need to take affirmative action in choosing the best time for this, probably not at the end of a bad day for him as an example...also, prepare the conversation...make it a meeting in a way. no surprises and be prepared for a bit of hostility and just keep your cool, if he is alert then your calm and collectiveness along with your interest in understanding him will cause him to pay more attention to you.

best of luck for you two and dont be quick to rule out options (like counseling) even if it seems a bad fit for him....very few people like getting their teeth pulled but sometimes its needed.

now for the cat....i cant stand to hear about a cat getting hit for any reason...that has to stop and i mean now....period.

ok, im done.