I have 3 cats 2 males, one female. But I am asking a question about my male. He came from the shelter, he was my birthday present when he was about 4 months old. He is about 4 yrs old now.
When I got him I had only one male cat. adult. After he was about 8 months old a calico kitten came to my house begging to stay. Well, I have her now. She is cranky, doesn't like to be bothered, and is very vocal.
My male cat is very very nervous, worse since she's there.
As long as I've had him (Patches), he is still afraid of me. I have never ever even yelled at him. He acts like he enjoys being petted for a minute or two, then he's gone.
When he comes in the room, he looks around slinking close to the ground like he's afraid something is there. If he hears a noise he jumps a mile.
I guess you could say, just leave him alone and he'll be alright.
However, he's my favorite cat. My other two cats sleep in my room, one on my bed. Patches will not sleep anywhere near my bed, he stays in the living room sleeping under a table that has a scarf that hangs down so he won't be seen.
I have said something to the vet about it and could she give him an anti-depressant or something, and they don't seem to want to.
I guess I need a cat behaviorist to help me, but I couldn't afford one.
It really hurts my feeling that he won't let me have anything to do with him.
Which male exactly is the one you're concerned about, the FIRST male you had, or the SECOND male you brought into the home? I'm assuming you mean the first?
Were ANY of the cats prior feral, prior abused, have any history of being neglected, abandoned or in multiple environments before you adopted them?
If from a shelter, how long were they in the shelter before you adopted them?
Are they all spayed/neutered?
Answers to these questions will help greatly in trying to help you. Thanks!
Traci,
I had a 21 yr old cat, when I found 2 twin kittens about 4 weeks old in our shed. Neighbor cat had them there. Neighbor got rid of mother.
My old cat had to be put to sleep. I was left with two kittens male and female twins. My female died also, so I just had the male cat. He was about a year old when I went to the shelter and got another male cat. This second male is the one with problems.
Then the female kitten shows up. She was 4 months old.
Now, my older male is about 6 yrs. old. The trouble male, Patches is about 4 yrs. old. The female is 3. They are all spayed and neurered.
I know Patches has been a lot more nervous because of her.
I meant to give her away, but my daughter wouldn't let me and she couldn't take another cat. She laughs and says this female is the re-incarnation of the one we had put to sleep. Now she's part of the family even though she irritates the others with her loud voice.
I feel like Patches will never change now. I have done everything I could do to get him to calm down. He rarely even lets me pet him, and when I do , he runs off after a minute.
I know he used to sleep on my bed and sit at my feet on my recliner, but now, he doesn't. It's a shame that he's my favorite. He's a very sweet cat.
I don't know how long he was at the shelter or if he had been abused. But when I was filling out his paperwork, he jumped out of my arms and ran behind the cages. I thought he was just being a kitten.
How do the older male and the female react to Patches?
Does one or more intimidate Patches in any way? I.e, stalk him, stalk or ambush him near the food/water dishes, or near the litterbox, or around corners, etc.
What was the relationship between Patches and the older male before the young female was brought in? Was Patches skittishness the same then?
Is your home large enough to accomodate playing, running, romping, exercise for all of the cats? Do ANY of the cats share a bond of sort? Do they eat together? Sleep together? Congregate close to you in the same area?
What is the home environment like? Do you live alone? Or have a parner, family, children in the home? Do you work outside the home for long periods of time? I'm not asking for your personal information, just want to get a feel for the way the cats view their environment. To a cat, his/her environment is his/her castle and domain and they prefer consistency and routine with very few changes.
It sounds like Patches may have had a fearful environment prior to your adopting him. He may have been abused, neglected, abandoned, lived with kids or dogs, or god knows what, but the important thing is trying to focus on what he needs, as an individual. To do that, you've had him long enough to observe his behavior and find out what he likes and what he doesn't like.
Focus on what he likes, feels comfortable with, is relaxed with, and enhance it. Hard as it sounds, it sounds like you may have to start all over again, especially with introductions.
For example, sleeping on your bed. Try keeping the other two out of the room for a couple days and only allowing Patches in that room. He needs to feel he has a safe haven to feel relaxed in, and in which to retreat to when nervous or scared. In this room, provide his food and water dish, a litterbox far away from the dishes, a cat bed or scratching post, something of his (like a toy) that he associates with a pleasant experience. Spend quality time with him, ensure him you are there to love and protect him.
After a couple days, IF and only IF he feels relaxed and comfortable, then allow only one other cat into the room, for a short amount of time. If that cat hisses, growls or intimidates Patches in any way, then take that cat out of the room.
The next day, try again. And so on, each day until there is some harmony and respect established between the cats. It won't happen overnight, but if you are consistent, you should see results each day.
When at least a small resemblence of harmony or tolerance is established, then slowly work on a playtime session each day that involves all of the cats in one area (i.e., your living room, if large enough). Choose interactive toys, a string dragged across the floor, toss toys for them to chase, something that involves all of the cats to play in which they share the same space. Make this playtime session a routine every day. The cats have to learn how to share the same space, and when they are concentrating on something pleasant, like toys or playing, they are less focused on each other and more apt to be more tolerant and accepting of each other.
During any time any cat hisses, growls, swats at another, use a squirt-bottle and squirt the cat near the rump area and combine it with a vocal "NO" (say their name: "NO, Kitty's Name"). Don't yell, and don't reprimand, just enhance the "NO" with your voice and use the squirt bottle at the same time. Or, say "NO, Kitty" and immediately divert the cat's attention to something else.
If you are consistent with the playtime session/routine, and supervise them, they will learn to be more tolerant of each other and will look forward to the playtime session each day.
In the long term you want to see Patches become less fearful and feeling comfortable with the other two cats. At the same time, you want to supervise and make it known to either of the other two cats that any intimidating behavior is unacceptable, yet reward each of them for good behavior. (squirt bottle for bad behavior, treats or personal cuddling or other attention for good behavior, etc)
I agree with your daughter. We adopt our pets for life, and we owe it to them to do whatever it takes to create a safe, harmonious environment for them. They can't tell us what they need, it's up to us to be observant and accomodate their individual needs. To give up on a cat because they don't get along with another, is admittiing failure, but not on the part of the cat. WE are their parents, WE must ensure their individual needs are met, and we must be consistent in doing so. In multicat households, it takes a little more time and patience but we MUST have patience and be forgiving, we can't expect them to behave like humans.
Give the above tips a try, be patient, be comitted and be consistent. Let us know how it's going and we can help you during the steps along the way. Post when you need help or have questions, ok?
On another note, have you tried using Feliway around the home? Feliway comes in plug-in infusers as well as a spray. Some cats react to it favorably, some take time to adjust, others may not react at all. The trick when using it is using it consistently, in the proper areas, and for a lengthy time to give it every available chance to work. It can get alittle pricey, but within the first month if you notice a favorable difference no matter how slight, it is usually good reason to keep using it for another month or so, providing you also take other steps to create the harmonious environment.
Traci,
A lot of good suggestions. Yes I am married but my husband sleeps in the recliner in the living room, due to a neck injury from a car accident.
Patches sometimes sleeps at the foot of the recliner with him.
The thing about my bedroom is, that Leo (the kitten left in the shed)
always slept in my bedroom because when I found him, my older cat was in the other room and I just got him started eating , drinking, sleeping in my bedroom. He would be very upset if I locked him out.
He is getting more of a baby every day.
Patches does get along pretty well with Leo, although he is still a little skittish with him. They lay and play in the floor sometimes.
However, the female does hide and attack him, like she's playing a game. She does hiss him if he comes near her.
If either cat is eating, Patches goes out of my room and waits until everyone has eaten, then comes and eats by himself.
There is one strange thing about Patches and Sweetie (female). He likes to chase her too. He will chase her through the house with her screaming bloody murder! I'ver never seen him catch her and if she turned around, she would run off.
Leo and sweetie will lay on my bed together, but I have seen him get her because she aggravates him. She will stick out her claws and grab him.
One day, he jumped right on top of her and pulled some fur out.
I will try try the water bottle, but it happens so quickly it is hard to get one that quickly.
They do go outside, but our backyard has a cat fence and we only let them outside when we are home to watch them. We never see any other animals around other than one cat who comes through the yard. We never leave them out at night. They have trees to climb and Sweetie ends up in a tree when the males chase her. I don't really know who is worse the female o\r the males.
When i was going to give her away, she had just come to the house,and I didn't think I could keep three cats, since they are so expensive. My daughter just insisted I keep her because she reminded her of my old cat.
Of course I waited too long and couldn't get rid of her.
Both Sweetie and Leo like my attention all the time. Patches just ignores me. I'm sure it's because of the other cats.
Try feeding Patches in another room, where he feels safe. Then slowly graduate the food dish closer to the main area where all the cats eat, a little further every week.
It sounds like Sweetie may not exactly know how to play with her siblings. There is generally always an alpha male or female in a multicat household who will be the aggressor-type and at times, try to intimidate the most submissive one. This is an area you will need to focus on. Intimidation between cats concerning food, sleeping areas, routine, even just walking from one end of the house to another, you have to divert Sweetie's attention to something else (like toys, playing, etc)...make sure you understand if they are truly playing or if one is actually intimidating the other.
Again, create a playtime session where all the cats are sharing the same space, and make it a positive experience for them. The more positive the activity, the more relaxed they will become around each other.
Part of the problem may be letting them outdoors. As long as they are strictly supervised, and kept safe, it is generally not a problem. But, you say the cats can climb the trees, so this is an easy access out of the yard, which is not safe (if the outside area is not fully enclosed, meaning also the top). Cat fences are not fool-proof. Also, any other animals that are in or even passing through the yard will leave scents and will therefore cause one or more of the cats to carry territorial boundary behaviors to the indoors. Worse, when there is disruption of the territory, the cats may start spraying/urinating inappropriately inside the house.
Focus on each cat and pay particular attention to their individual needs and their likes and dislikes. Accomodate them accordingly, but also include them together in playtime sessions, quiet time, etc. Do make sure that you are giving each cat individual attention as well when they seem to need it (cuddling, taking a short nap with them, grooming, etc).
