Tommy's Outcome (Feral cat gone MIA now home)

[k9Karen]

I'm not a cat owner, but my hubbie knew it was "love me, love my dog" long before we said "I do". He knows better than to ask me to choose. Fortunately, he likes having 3 dogs (most of the time, anyway!)

That said, it's much more difficult when the person who doesn't want the pet is also involved in your support and you are not on your own. I don't know this guy, but, if he rants and raves and you and your mom still let the cat stay, will he do anything? 2 against 1? He isn't violent, is he?

My suggestion - talk to your mom and make sure you know exactly where she stands. If she is going to side with your step-dad, you may want to look into seeing if you can re-home the kitty. If you are not able to move out and take the cat with you, you do need to make sure the cat is properly taken care of, even if that means returning him to Rescue. It's not your fault if your mom sides with her husband. (I do hope she can reason with him). There are issues there I don't even want to address.

If your mom is siding with you, let him rant!

[UrbanCowgirl]

k9Karen: No, Gary isn't violent. He's actually a very nice guy. I've known him since I was way little. We're actually really close, but he just doesn't like all of the cat hair, vet bills and the litter boxes.

Mom sees Gary's points, but she wants to keep Tommy too. She loves him just as much as I do. But between mom and Gary, Gary is more in charge of ... everything around here. Mom is a bit submissive at times. I am not, therefore Gary and I usually get into a few rows. Yelling matches with him are easy.

Anyhow, I plan on doing everything I can think of to keep Tommy around. He really is a sweet cat, even though he's picked up biting ... but I'll break him of that soon enough. If Gary does win this war, however, I told mom that the only person I'll give Tommy to is the person who adopted him out to us. She takes in strays, and understood Tommy. She would be the best person to take him if we cannot keep him.

[Tambrey]

he just doesn't like all of the cat hair, vet bills and the litter boxes

I have many cats and vacuuming is a daily occurance in my house...not only the floor, but furniture...
Maybe you can make that one of your daily chores...when it is done daily, it takes no time at all since the hair really does not have time to gather or settle...
get a brush and begin brushing them as long as they will let you...there are brushes for cats and mine love to be brushed...
keep a roller brush with the tear away sticky paper on a hook by the front door to roll off any stray hairs that cling to clothing before you walk out the door...
that might help as far as the cat hair goes...

Vet bills...do you have a part time job?...could you help with yearly vaccinations and checkups, even if you make payments to the vet?...
Can you do additional chores around the house to "pay" for these bills?...

for litterbox smells...even if "imagined"...what kind of litter do you use and how often to you scoop and change it...
I use clumping litter and for the downstairs boxes I use a Litter Locker to put the clumps into, then the night before garbage day, I remove the bag of clumps and toss them out in the garbage...and I have again, made it a multiple times a day chore...the box by the garbage gets scooped through every time I throw something away...the box in the bathroom has flushable Arm & Hammer (PetSmart) and every time I go to the bathroom, I scoop a couple clumps and flush them away...the other boxes get scooped only once a day, but that is enough for them as they are not as often used...
Also..how many boxes do you have?...the rule is one for each cat and/or one on each level of the house that the cats have access to, or if a long ranch style house, at least a box on either end...
I use under the bed storage totes rather than litterboxes since I have multiple cats and many will use the same preferred box...

I am just tossing out ideas that maybe you can offer up as a compromise in order for Gary to allow the cats to both stay with you...

[UrbanCowgirl]

Tambrey: I vacuum twice a week. Jaden doesn't really shed much. Tom does, but that's because he's really nervous. We actually need to clean the entire house. Raja was very sick awhile back (we had to have her put to sleep. She was in too much pain and the medicine we got stopped working) and she shed a lot. There's still a bunch we have to get up. It's like ... glued to the drapes. But getting the hair up won't be too hard. As for the roller brushes ... I love those. They really help out. My horse sheds like crazy in the spring.

I don't have a part time job yet. I meant to get one in the summer, but I was out of town and no one was hiring. But with all of the college kids back in school, a job shouldn't be too hard to come by now.

As for paying the vet bills, I told Gary that if he would allow mom to take Tommy to the vet, I would pay her back with my first paycheck. He told me no. That he doesn't want me to pay anything back. Says I should put my money in the bank, towards gas, a little towards insurance and the rest for miscellaneous things I might need or want. But I would be more than willing to pay for the vet. That's no problem.

We use Tidy Cat .. I think. I'm not 100% sure. Mom buys it, but I never really look at it when I change the litter. We also have one of those litter lockers. Very handy.

Yeah, we have one for each cat. Tommy's is downstairs ... with him, and Jaden's is in the bathroom since she's too little to go down the stairs and because Tommy's there and we don't know how he'd react to Jade yet.

With Gary, I offered to help mom clean the entire house, top to bottom so we can get it ready for sale. Our neighbor, who cleans for a living, as also volunteered to help us (she likes Tommy too). I've also offered to clean the litterboxes every day after school. Vacuuming is already a chore of mine.

Thanks for the ideas though. I'll definitely look to see what kind of litter we use.

[Traci]

You really need to get Tommy seen by your vet, immediately. I can't stress this enough, the weight loss is concerning and you can't just assume nothing is wrong. When cats are lost outdoors, they cannot always find food sources or clean water sources, so they lose weight, and the weight loss causes liver problems (i.e., hepatic lipidosis), this can be a serious condition (and sometimes fatal) if not detected early and treated effectively at the onset. PLEASE, get him seen TODAY.

I assume you have a bit of savings, and you've said you could pay for his vet expenses, so don't wait, get him seen TODAY.

If you've taken responsibility for the cats, their care, the cleaning, etc, then your step-dad doesn't have any real grounds for you not having cats. Men who fight with family members over pets are usually control-freaks and it has nothing to do with pets, but controlling behavior. In my opinion, this is unacceptable, and I agree with the others, "love me, love my cats, or get out!"

Understandably, you are still living under his roof, so that becomes problematic for you, but as long as you take the responsibility for the cats, your step-dad needs to consider that. Make extra efforts to prove to him that you are responsible, keep the house clean on a daily basis, make a budget of sorts to allow for vet care, as well as your other responsibilities. Remind your step-dad that you are in the position for getting a job to pay for the cats' care and veterinary care, etc.

I also agree with the others...at some point if you do move out on your own, you will need to make arrangements that you can have the cats with you. If your step-dad doesn't really like cats or doesn't want them in his home when you move out, there's a good chance he will take it upon himself to get rid of them, or, not care for them, vet care, etc...which of course is unacceptable. The cats are depending on your for their safety, security, stability, care and vet care. Start saving money NOW for their future and security (and yours).

[UrbanCowgirl]

Traci: I plan on getting him seen to, but I have no money. Not of my own anyway. My savings was emptied last year for prom. Which is why I need the job.

While Tommy was outside, I did put food and water out for him every day since his disappearance, just in case. But he never ate much of it since he's so nervous.

He's not really a control freak. For the most part, Mom and I run the house. He just doesn't really like animals. As for living arrangements for pets when I move, that's a definite with me. I have to have pets. I always have. I would feel very empty if I didn't. Especially Jaden and Tommy.

However, things are looking up for us keeping Tommy. Gary hasn't said that we can't ... yet, and I'm currently looking to getting a job at Hodak's until I can find a better one. Then I'd at least be able to support the cats on my own.

[Traci]

Well can you ask your mom for help in getting Tommy seen by your vet? Some vets may make payment arrangements as long as someone in the household is gainfully employed, and can leave post-dated checks, etc.

I'm really concerned that you'll let this go without detection, he really needs to be seen promptly.

[UrbanCowgirl]

Mom and Gary share their paychecks. If mom charges the vet bill, he'll know, but she doesn't have any spending cash atm due to my college. Money is a big issue in the house right now.

We won't let this go, like ... never take Tommy to the vet. He -will- go for sure. As to when he'll go .. that's iffy. I plan on having him looked at over the weekend for sure.

Just, if he is really sick, are there any signs I should be looking for? Because right now he is acting as he normally did. His poop is a little stinky, but that's probably because his diet wasn't very good. He plays like he used to, loves to cuddle, and doesn't run away as if he's scared.

[Tambrey]

Cats especially are VERY good at hiding any pain...by the time we humans notice pain, it is very bad for them and they can no longer hide it...

As Traci has said....talk to the vet...give post dated checks...

I know you keep saying Gary is an okay kinda guys...but I see control freak all through your posts....

Mom and Gary share their paychecks. If mom charges the vet bill, he'll know

So what if he does know..Tommy NEEDS vet care NOW...the more you wait..the more expensive it could turn out to be...

Do you have anything of value that you can sell or pawn to get money to get him to the vet sooner..if Gary really will not release any money...or get mad if checks are written...

[UrbanCowgirl]

My computer and camera are the only things that could get any real money, but I need those for school.