My sweet Willow went to the Rainbow Bridge

[Cleo]

I talked to someone at the crematory today and got blah blah your vet isn't in the business yadda yadda. I said yeah well, as a client of yours, you should have a brochure or business cards at their facility so they can better instruct their clients. Especially those going through it for the first time without any knowledge of where to turn next. I also plan on telling this to the vet. I let her know that 2 weeks for me to get my boy back was unacceptable and no thanks, I won't be coming into their facility as she suggested to pick out a personalized urn. I'll get my own or make my own and personalize it myself. A$$holes.

I have no one here to talk to about it anymore. Everyone is pretty much tapped out on the subject because all they know how to do is shut down and shut out. That's not the way I operate. I'm all about purging and getting things out so now I just talk to the other cats about it.

When I got Simon's remains back, it was in a white paper gift bag. I put everything behind my computer screen here for now where there is very little room for another cat to go. Last night I hear a cat scurrying about and a crumpling of a bag and I'm like wtf, I didn't leave anything out. Turn the light on and there is Molly with the handle around her neck flying around the house with his box still inside the bag!! Thankfully she didn't bang it hard enough where it would have opened and she didn't get hurt but I was just amazed and then spooked. They used to play a lot together, tussle about to at times. She must have sensed him, I don't know.

[Tina B and crew]

((((Cleo)))) You can always talk here..I know it isn't always the same as actual "talking" but I've used this forum more than I've "talked" to friends and family at length. I am afraid Chunk is going to get on the desk and knock Willow off....so far so good though. I have her back far enough that I don't think he can. She also came home in a white gift bag. I guess that's the thing She deserved to come home in a soft fuzzy blanket if you ask me.

[Traci]

Cleo and Tina, I know that they are impersonal and tacky, buy try not to put too much focus on the 'vessels', they are just that, a vessel, and only temporary. What matters most of all, is how or what you choose as their resting place.

To avoid accidents, I always place mine out of reach to the cats, like an armoire, cabinet, etc until I've chosen and placed in their urns. The urns go into a china cabinet where the cats can't get to, can't open the doors etc. Granted, the temporary part is just as hard, but I always try to focus more on their urns, their placement, protected location, and accessibility to me. I realize this is just my way, but you will find what is right for you.

As for tattoos, I love the idea. But, please take some considerable time to think about it first. Google images like cat tattoos and cat and pawprint tattoos and various variations of cat/pawprint/flower/words etc to get a range of ideas you might not have even thought of yet. Don't just stick to "tattoo" images either, simply by googling images anything cat and pawprint related will get you tons of ideas. Maybe even sketch out multiple variations of what you'd like. For colors, pinks and purples seem to be the brightest and long-lasting. You could even get a full portrait of a face or body but be warned this would be a lot of work.

I also wanted to say take your time because you might want your design to reflect not only Willow but other cats in your life (unless you want multiple tattoos). Just something to think about.

[Tina B and crew]

Your talking to the Google queen here Traci. I've looked at every possible cat, cat paw, cat portrait, cat memorial tattoo out there on the web. Not waiting on the tattoo though...I need to do this now...it's somehow cathartic for me. I'm going on Thursday and for now it will just be Willow's paw print, her ACTUAL paw print, in black, on my chest, over my heart. Eventually I will consider getting a portrait done, or something incorporating the others, but right now I need to just have this wee little one done. I can't wait. The artists I am going to do mostly custom work and spectacular portrait work at that.

I found one of Willow's whiskers stuck inside my jacket today while I was out
And I think Willow's spirit is inhabiting my body. I usually LOVE it when the weather turns chilly, but today it has been that way and I am finding I hate, hate, hate it.

[Tina B and crew]

I went and got my tattoo today. I love it and the experience was very spiritual for me. In a way it made me feel better, like I have honored Willow in the most special way. I am still grieving pretty badly, still can't sleep in my bed, still crying daily, still trying to avoid ways of being at home...but I love my counselor and she totally understands me and what I'm going through. My assignment for this week was to write a letter to Willow. I still ache for her and miss her so terribly much....I just wish I could turn back the clock

[Traci]

Tina, I'm happy to hear it was a spiritual experience for you. I know it doesn't take the pain away, but it is a start toward lessening that pain and now her paw will always be touching your heart.

I also like the idea of writing a letter, your thoughts, to Willow. Something very personal, private, shared only between Willow and you.

[slvrwhispr]

Thank you for sharing that with us, Tina. Your artist did a very good job. I think you're coping very well considering what you lost and the way in which it happened. You're getting there at your own pace. Just keep moving forward, even if it's baby steps, and that's all anyone can ask of you. *hugs*

[Tina B and crew]

Silver, at times I am amazed that I'm on my feet, and at other times I'm still a heap in the bed not wanting to face the day. This morning was the latter. I went to a friends ordination into the priesthood last night and it was a very blessed event, one in which I felt comforted, blessed, and at peace. At one point during the service I looked up at the front of the church and I swear I saw Willow sitting on top of the organ. I keep seeing her everywhere, which is a testament to the fact that her spirit dwells near me. Yet I still call her often when I am at home. I woke up this morning with the most awful feeling of hopelessness because it hit me for the hundredth time that Willow was not at my feet and would not come greet me. Those are the moments I feel I can't go on. I have to MAKE myself get up, get showered, get dressed, and get out...otherwise I'd probably waste away on the couch in front of the TV crying. But the truth is, I don't think Willow would want her mommy to stop living. I think Willow only wanted her mommy to be happy and healthy. Still, it's hard not to just want to die because I miss her so much.

[Tina B and crew]

Tonight I went to the pet loss support group that the funeral home holds once a month (and ran by a local rescue agency here in town) and it was nice to be able to tell Willow's story to others and have people totally understand where I am coming from. They tell you to bring pictures, well I brought an entire ALBUM!! Everyone loved Willow's photos, and thought the tattoo was a very fitting tribute. Sometimes it helps just to talk about it, even though I've talked about it numerous times. And naturally I bawled my eyes out, but the others were so wonderful and caring. It is also nice to know other people grieve harder for the loss of a pet than a relative sometimes. Losing Willow has hit me so hard. I was finally able to go through photos today, but it still wasn't easy. I'm feeling a little better now, since talking about it tonight, but I still am having a hard time being here. The rough part is that hubby is going out of town and I do NOT want to be here alone, especially at night but I feel bad for Chunk if I stay over at my mom's. I can still be with him during the day though. He's holding up pretty well. One day at at time, that's all I can do.

[Tina B and crew]

Traci...you might want to move this to the prayer forum..I should have posted it there to begin with but I was not in a very good state of mind when I did so...hell, I'm still not