Doing so much better

[MattinglyMom]

I posted here a few weeks ago about our new kitten (now named Harlie) interacting with our older can Mattingly. I was concerned that their play might be too rough and wasn't sure if it was play or aggression. I just wanted to share what we've learned over the last few weeks in the hopes that it will help others, and I also want to thank everyone for their input.

First of all, it turns out it was indeed play, but Mattingly is just a little too strong for his own good. Whenever she would cry while they were playing, we would give a quick squirt with water and a stern "no". This way he has been learning that he needs to let up when she says so. We've also noticed that she is particularly vocal and meows sometimes when he isn't even touching her, and that has settled my nerves a bit too (to know it's not pain that she's crying from, but often just overexcitement).

We keep them separated when we aren't at home to be on the safe side, but find that when they first come together after a separation of several hours, everyone is so excited that the play often turns quite rough, so the more time they can spend together, the better. I felt so guilty confining Harlie when we weren't at home to the bathroom (a bathroom completely kitten-proofed... all wires, garbage, brushes, etc. removed, toilet seat closed, with several toys, food, water, and her favorite pillow), but I was able to relax knowing she was safe in there, and she also now associates that as her safe room... and when we can't find her, she is usually found curled up on one of the bathroom rugs. Also, even though the play can be rough after a long separation, if it gets too wild for extended periods and one of them is trying to end the play and the other isn't, we have found that putting her in the bathroom for 5 or 10 minutes calms everyone down almost always.

Also we thought at first we wouldn't trim her claws so much so she would have that defense against Mattingly if he got too rough, but it seems that her sharp little claws would sometimes trigger stronger behavior from him (and who could blame him?!), so regular trimming is now part of her routine even though she hates it so very much.

So they still play too rough for my liking at times, but it's getting better all the time. And I've also watched them and noticed that when she has really had enough, she is always able to get away from him and get under the couch to get a breather. Of course a moment later she is jumping on his head again, but I guess she has to learn there are consequences to her actions!

I wish I had known how much work it is to introduce cats before we got her. I guess reading about it didn't really sink in with me before we got Harlie. I don't regret her at all, but it has been a tough few weeks, trying to give them both the love and attention they needed. And Harlie being so young and needing of attention, I slept with her in our guest room for over a week so that she wouldn't be spending the nights alone. We couldn't bring her into our bedroom because that has always been Mattingly's safe place, and we weren't about to rob him of that during those first few important days. That resulted in me getting very little sleep. I also had to adjust my work schedule with my husband's so that she wouldn't be confined to the bathroom for too many hours a day and they could have adequate amounts of supervised interaction. That resulted in me seeing much less of my husband over that first week. We also spent a few nights in the living room so we could hear if things got out of control (I'm like a Mom when it comes to that. One meow and I'm wide awake), but allowing them to have that extra time together. And at first their constant play every minute they were together (for hours at a time) was exhausting and we would have to separate them so we could have a break! Even though it's been tough, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. They groom each other (well mostly Mattingly grooms her), sleep together occasionally (it's currently a little too warm for that activity), observe rules of no play during eating, drinking, and using the litter box, and actually have lots of nonviolent play. So we are happy and content. Just wanted to share. Sorry so long!

[Traci]

Congratulations, you have successfully graduated the feline introduction stage

I'm thrilled to hear it has gone so well. I'm sure with each passing day, the two cats will form a stronger bond. I would still encourage you to allow them as much time together as possible,...while it sounds like they have accepted each other quite beautifully, Harlie is developing and will expend a lot of energy, she needs to romp and run and play almost constantly during her waking hours. I'm sure she is also encouraging Mattingly to exercise and play as well, it's good for both of them.

As for the nail-trimming, try to do this gradually, that is, make the experience a good one for her, not a bad experience. If she fights or struggles fiercely during nail-trimming, cease doing it and try again later, or, only trim a few claws at a time, then try again later. Getting kittens used to nail-trimming at an early age is a good idea, but make sure the experience isn't stressful for her. I also wouldn't trim them too short, because they are her only defense against Mattingly's strong advances at this point. It sounds like Mattingly knows now to exercise more gentleness with her, and it's normal for some agressive play at times, but she still isn't fully developed yet.

I commend you on going the extra mile for the introductions, sometimes we must alter our own routines and make sacrifies, but aren't the rewards worth it?

[MattinglyMom]

The rewards are SO worth it. The first time they snuggled together to sleep, my husband and I were beside ourselves. And as a matter of fact, we haven't separated them in almost three days. Pretty much the only time we put Harlie in the bathroom now is for her to have her midday and evening snacks... she obviously needs to eat more often than Mattingly, and he is of course very interested in her kitten food. So she gets a few minutes to eat in peace and he gets extra one-on-one play time. This week my husband works nights and I work days so almost no separation will be necessary, and we're hoping by the end of this week we'll feel comfortable leaving them alone together for longer periods (when we both work days).

Thank you for the tip on the nail clipping. We have generally been under the assumption that it's better to get it over with, but from now on we will maybe just do one paw at a time. It's a good lesson as well about how different cats can be. Mattingly hardly ever got into things he wasn't supposed to as a kitten, and she is constantly into everything. One or two "No"s were always enough to get the point across to Mattingly, but it doesn't even phase Harlie. Mattingly HATES a spray of water, and she just finds it an inconvenience. Mattingly isn't bothered at all by clipping, but for her it seems like torture. She certainly keeps us all on our toes. And it's also true that Mattingly gets more exercise now than we were ever able to give him during playtime before. It's great.

Thanks so much!

[Traci]

When your schedules are both the same, be sure you've kitten-proofed your home thoroughly (electrical cords out of reach, no dangling mini-blind or drapery cords, no string toys laying around, etc ---just as you would for a baby or toddler).

Also, I'm sure you know this, but Harlie should be free-fed, since she expends her energy constantly, she needs to replenish it with her kitten food (vital nutrients). Mattingly is barely a year or over a year old, right? It won't hurt him if he nibbles a bit of her kitten food.

It sounds like they have very different personalities, which can be a good thing, Harlie's antics will keep Mattingly stimulated, and Mattingly will probably teach her the ropes It sounds like she's a little spit-fire right now, enjoy these moments, they grow up too soon!