My husband HATES my cat!! I am worried about her safety!

[Nurse_Jamie]

I have a major problem. My husband really hates my young kitten. She is about 5 months old, and acts like a typical kitten. Plays a lot, and occasionally misbehaves (jumps on table, knocks over pictures, etc....and the most recent bad behavior - jumping on the kitchen counter) It really makes my husband mad when she does these things. Sometimes he will physically hit her for it, which I NEVER do and know that physical punishment is NOT the answer. I try to explain to him that kittens don't think like humans do, and she is just a baby and just learning, but it doesn't matter to him. He always makes comments like "I am going to kill her" or "I am going to break her neck". And when people are around, he refers to her as "Our stupid cat". This really hurts me. I love and care for my young kitten just like she was my child. I don't ever want her to get hurt. I understand my husband's anger for her jumping on the counter, but he doesn't know how to properly punish her. She is terrified of him!! Every time he goes near her, she runs. In my heart, I don't think he would ever hurt her, but I don't know for sure. It would break my heart if something happened to my little one. I love my kitten, but I also love my husband. It is causing me and my husband to get into fights. I just don't know what to do.

Have any of you had this problem? If so, how did you handle it? I really need some advice!! Thanks.

[Tina B and crew]

Nurse Jamie...I am so sorry that you have to be going through this

I was married to someone once who threw my dog across the floor when it peed after getting too excited. I'm not making this as a suggestion to you but I was divorced from him not too long after that.

In my heart, I don't think he would ever hurt her, but I don't know for sure

The fact that you can't be 100% positive worries me. I hope you don't take any of this in the wrong way, but it sounds like your husband has some anger control problems. Is there any way he would consider counseling? Those are pretty strong statements he is making and the fact that he is physically hitting her IS abuse. We have one poster on here who lost her cat to an abusive partner. You don't want to let this go that far. Do you know anyone who could take your cat and care for her for a little while? Will your husband listen to you and consider getting help? Has he always had a temper? Is he under more stress than usual lately? Did he agree to the adoption of your kitten? I know these are a lot of questions but I think they are important ones to ask. Most important t hing is to protect your kitty from harm and if that means removing her from the household, even if it's just temporarily, then I would do just that in a heartbeat. Your husband really needs to seek counseling to learn to control his anger. Please keep us updated (((hugs)))

[Nurse_Jamie]

Thanks for the advice, Tina.

My husband rarely loses his temper like that. I know he isn't much of an animal lover - at all! To him, they are just "responsibilities" and "possessions" and "money out of his pocket". He doesn't see them as part of the family like I do. He doesn't understand my love for her. To him it's "just a cat". I have always been an animal lover, and my life would be empty without my little baby kitten.

To answer your questions: He would never consider counseling - not over something like this. There's not anyone that can care for my baby right now. Not anyone that would keep her indoors and care for her the way I do. I have tried explaining to him how I feel when he makes hurtful comments like that and that I love her, but he just gets angry when I talk about it. He is under a little more stress than usual, I guess.
We are having some money issues, but my kitten shouldn't have to suffer for that. He DID agree to the adoption of my kitten - I begged him for months to let me get one. Finally, he said ok.

I just wish that there was someway I could get my husband to like animals more. We haven't been married long, but someday when we buy or build a house, I hope to have a lot of animals. I want him to want them too. My life wouldn't be the same without pets. And him getting so angry at her for misbehaving really worries me - I mean, will he act that way towards our 2-year-old child when he/she decides to write on the walls with a crayon?? We don't have any kids yet, but when we do, will he lose his temper with them too?? It really scares me.

Is there any hope for getting my husband to change his attitude about animals? Counseling is out of the question, he wouldn't understand. And other suggestions??

Thanks so much, guys.

[paulette2]

First of all, let me say that I'm glad you are brave enough and love your kitten enough to be honest about this situation. I'm not completely surprised about what you wrote because of what you've written in previous posts. My personal feeling is that you must find a home for your kitten -- a loving home and soon. You must put the kitten's welfare ahead of your own feelings. Clearly your husband is not an animal lover and this isn't something you can force on someone. Love comes from the heart. And while people can change it could take years before your husband comes around. You may also be dealing with jealousy -- a very powerful, destruvtive emotion.

This situation is damaging your kitten psychologicall. If it goes on you may have a permanently damaged animal, not to mention what could happen if your husband makes good on his threats. I'm sorry if I'm scaring you, but this sitution is totally unfair to your kitten and I'm sure it's placing a strain on your marriage. Please make every effort to find your kitten a loving home ASAP, or find a good shelter and explain the situation to them.

You kitten is totally helpless--it's up to you to make the mature decision. Then you can begin to deal with your marriage and the other issues you described.

[Tina B and crew]

Jamie...paulette has some very valid points...I know it hurts you terribly but unless you can reason with your husband (and it sounds like you can't), unless he would be willing to get counseling I think finding somewhere else for your kitten is one of your better options. My heart aches for you, it really does. It's one thing to not be an animal person, it's a totally different ballgame when one makes death threats such as he has made. I don't take these statements lightly, especially when he knows they hurt you. I'm going to stand by what I said...I think he needs counseling. It's more than the kitten issue Jamie...he's obviously not able to handle stress without lashing out. Please understand I'm not saying he is a bad person, he just doesn't have the tools to handle things in the proper manner IMO. Are you on good terms with his family? Can you talk to them about it? I certainly don't want you to have to lose your kitten...lord I know how much that hurts...but it sounds like there is no reasoning with him at all. Paulette is right...you can't make him love the kitten. I personally can't understand why he would say the things he does knowing it hurts you...I hope you can see where this scares me too...both for you and your kitten's well being.

I'm so close to tears for you at this very moment

I agree with paulette...I'm glad you have the honesty to bring this situation to someones attention...I know you want what is best for your little kitty (((((Jamie))))))

[Traci]

Here is a link to a post made on our older board, from a girl in a similar siutation, please read it, read the replies given and talk to family members about getting help for your husband.

Idle Threat? Not!

For what it's worth, the poster's kitty somehow 'disappeared'. Also, one poster spoke from personal experience....she lost her kitty due to complications of trauma inflicted upon her kitty by her ex.

Lily's Story

Bottom line, men who make threats and/or abuse animals may at some point make threats/abuse YOU. As Tina said, we don't take this lightly, there is a clear connection between animal abuse and domestic abuse. Never dismiss the threats, it's up to you to protect your kitten and yourself. Talk to your family and his family and get some counseling in motion. You can't live in fear, Nurse_Jamie, and your kitten shouldn't have to live in fear, she is depending on you.

[paulette2]

Nurse Jamie,
I hope that you won't be a poster who "disappears." I'm sure you must be feeling really upset and overwhelmed by what you've read here. These situations that were written about are very tragic, but that doesn't mean your situation has to end tragically. But at the very LEAST, at this point in time, your husband doesn't feel about animals the way you do.

In my opinion, the decision to have a pet or children must be something both husband & wife agree on. My husband begged me for a pet for the first several years of our marriage, but I was against it. Here we are several years down the road and we have 3 cats whom I adore. In fact I am the primary caregiver for the animals and I have become a total animal lover/advocate in every sense of the word. My family is amazed at the change in me. But this was something that came to me late in life [I was in my 40's when Miss Kitty came to us]. So you see people CAN change, but you must be patient with your husband and pray for him that God will change his heart some day.

You said you love your husband and your kitty and you probably feel it's unfair that you have to choose between them. Don't try to force him to love animals. Marriage is about compromise and even under the best of circumstances it's difficult. You have taken a very courageous step in admitting that you have a problem. And this is a very, very sad thing to have to give up what to you is like a child. But your husband doesn't realize this -- he just doesn't understand -- and therefore you have to be the one. Like Tina, my heart is breaking for you too and your baby.

You have tried to work this out but it seems to be getting worse. I urge you to please try to find a good home for kitty.

[Iluvmy3boys]

Jamie, Im so sorry you are in this predicament. If I were in your situation, and my husband was threatening to hit my kitten I would GET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE for the time being. A little kitten cant take much abuse, and just a smack every now and then might do some serious damage....I mean she cant be more than 5 lbs. See if a friend or relative can take care of her for a while. until you and your husband sort out the abuse issue. Its fine that hes not a cat person, not many people are, but thats no excuse to physically abuse her. If this isnt stopped soon, who knows if his anger will progress to you......
Get her away from him for her sake, if you have any inclination he might hurt her again. Its tough for someone to choose between their pet and their spouse, hopefully it wont come to that

[LisaLisa]

Jamie,

My heart is breaking for you... I also need to concur with the others on this board that your kitties safety is at risk and it may be best to find another home. He is not going to change.

You have your work cut out for you in your marriage. Red flags have definitely waving.

You are a very strong and courageous woman Jamie to openly talk on this board about what has happened at your home. If your husband won't seek counseling, I encourage you too. His reactions to your kitty will definitely have an impact in your relationship with him. Please keep communication open and stay strong.. You are right on target too to question how he may react once you have children.

I will pray for your kitten's safety. I hope you still come to the board too. I know this whole situation has not been easy.

((((HUGS)))

[Nurse_Jamie]

Guys, thank you so much for your suggestions and kind words.

I took all of your advice into consideration. I love my little kitten like she was my infant. I also love my husband very much. We are only in our 6th month of marriage and never lived together before we were married. They always say the first year is the hardest, and I can totally see why now. We are both adjusting to co-habitation. We are also under some financial stress right now, which certainly does not help the situation. I have explained to my husband many times that i love my little kitten and it hurts my feelings when he says bad things about her. He told me this morning that he would do his best to keep the comments to himself, but he said he wants me to nix her bad habits. This is the first young kitten I have raised, so I am learning along with her. She really isn't a bad kitty. I mean, she is curious and mischevious at times, but she doesn't destroy our furniture. She is great about going to her litter box EVERY time and she is a very sweet and affectionate little kitten.

I am not making excuses for his behavior, but I think the main reason my husband is acting this way is because of the stress he is under right now. I have dated him for 4 years and never known him to lose his temper over small things. There have been a couple times when he has gotten so mad at me, that he could have easily hauled off and knocked the *beep* out of me, but he didn't. And I see the love and compassion he has for his family. His 10-year-old cousin just adores him and they are great together. It's things like that that lets me know that my husband is good at heart. He is just under a lot of stress.

But I have to find a way for my darling husband and my darling kitty to live together without a ruckus. He just has a hard time understanding that her behavior is normal at her age and not bad.

It hasn't gotten to a point where I feel like I need to give her another home. I think I can find another solution. Maybe there are some things I can do to work with my kitten and teach her right and wrong (using proper methods, of course) so she won't misbehave and upset my hubby. I would, of course, need the help of those of you who have raised kittens and know what methods work best. Because like I said, I am a first timer when it comes to raising a kitten.

She really is well-behaved for a fiesty kitten, and I don't think it would take much. She seems to be very sensitive and reactive to what I say to her. I spend so much time with her, that I think she has grown to interpret my behaviors towards her. Because it seems like when she goes to jump on something or play with something, she always looks my way first as to ask my permission. It's really amazing. If I say "no", she calmly walks away. It's so incredible how smart she is.

My point is, I am just not ready to throw in the towel yet. I think I can find a way to keep my hubby happy and keep my little baby.

Any other comments are welcomed.