Let me explain further. ANY cat who is viewing another cat outside who is a stray, neighbor's cat, or a feral or any cat they are not familiar with, will react if you or another pet approach them at the wrong time. The solution is to coax kitty away from the door/windows, and divert her attention to something more pleasant. (toys, chasing a toy, a treat etc).
If she's overweight, she cannot groom herself properly, this is why she is developing mats. Likewise, if she is overweight, you must get her rechecked on a frequent basis to rule out underlying health problems I noted earlier. She's 7 years old and if the weight goes unaddressed, she is at increased risk for any of these serious health issues. A competent and comitted vet would have told you right away that she needed to be on a weight management program, and it's up to YOU to comply fully with the vet's advice, advice on food, feeding amounts, type of food, initiating exercise in small amounts, following up with the vet for weight checks and changes in diet when necessary. This all has to be done slowly and extremely cautiously, because if too much weight is lost too soon, the risk for diabetes, kidney disease, liver disease are increased significantly. Buckle down and follow your vet's direction explicitly. He will do a
Body Condition Score evaluation on her and recommend the appropriate diet and amounts for her, but you have to followup with rechecks for her!
Overweight pets also are generally unhealthy and unhappy, inactive and stress easily. This could be causing the attack-mode behavior when concerning approaching her when she's pre-occupied with seeing a cat outdoors. This would apply to anything in her normal everyday routine, so you have to commit to changing that....first step is a total health checkup with the vet and getting her on an appropriate weight management program, and your ultimate compliance.
DO not give milk to her, nor any other milk or dairy products. The majority of cats are lactose intolerant, and will suffer either diarrhea or constipation, or both. This is unhealthy for the cat, and can be detrimental to her health. If your vet puts her on a weight management program, you must follow it exactly and do NOT give anything outside of the prescribed diet, including treats (unless your vet suggests something specific), nor any human foods, etc. Human foods/scraps should never be given to cats.
Please, for her sake and the sake of all pets in the home, CAT-PROOF your home, just as you would a small toddler. Keep plastic bags, bows, plants, ribbon, strings, thread, holiday decorations, cords, electric cords/wires and things out of their reach at all times. You can't expect her to know these things are dangerous for her, it's up to YOU to keep these away from her at all times, they are NOT to ever be used for toys, ever. Most
plants are toxic to cats, keep them in another room kitty cannot access, or better yet don't have them, the risk of ingestion is too high.
Get her to a competent vet ASAP and get the weight addressed, and get bloodwork done on her to determine her vital organ function and overall health status. Chances are, when she is healthier and happier, her behavior will improve greatly. In the meantime, do not approach her when she's watching cats through the door/window, but simply coax her away by diverting her attention to something else she enjoys, close the door. Be consistent, she will then learn that fretting over the view outside isn't worth stressing over. Teach and instruct your children to do the same and not approach her directly. All family members should have a part in this, and help her to be healthier, happier, less stressed, etc.
As for the fractious behavior at the vet's, try making her experience more calm, pay attention to her needs. Make the appointment for a time in the day when the clinic is less likely to be busy, ask for the first appointment in the morning, or right after the clinic's lunch hour. Taking her in the middle of the day in a busy clinic, with several other pets in the waiting area is stressful for a fractious cat. Request to be present for any procedure that doesn't require anesthesia or any other involved procedure. Your presence, if she trusts you, will help her to be calmer and less afraid. Instruct the staff she is fractious, but that you expect them to be careful and gentle with her. Frankly, a good vet will have the skill to calmly and gently restrain a fractious cat without compounding the situation, and without the use of tranquilizers or anesthetics. Please remember that frequent use of these agents are not good for the cat, and I hope the vet has never suggested this. You can also help her to be more calm at home before the appointment....for example, don't put her in her carrier when the schedule at home is hectic, etc. Again, pay attention to her and her needs, accomodate her needs more, pamper her, and the fractious behavior may lessen in time. It's also important that the vet visit is as stress-free as possible, since if the vet and the staff have to wrestle with her or poke her with needles in a hectic, stressful, noisy, busy environment and they can't do their job with compassion and gentleness then is it any wonder she hates the vet! The absolute worst thing you can do is involve yourself, a vet and two staff members to hold down a cat for a shot. She now associates the vet, and anyone IN the clinic, as well as you, with a bad experience. Sounds like the vet is a fraidy cat, and the staff aren't skilled enough to handle it. Is there another vet, or an exceptionally trained tech at the clinic?
