The time has come... prayers for us please!!

[Susan and the girls]

Hey everyone.

I have posted numerous times about my sweet Belle (14 1/2), who has been suffering from chronic renal failure for some time. It started mildly, and then became more aggressive after her radioactive iodine treatment for hyperthyroidism. Once we got her hyperthyroidism cured, the kidney failure began in full force, and for the last five months, I've done twice daily sub-q fluids to keep her hydrated. Her kidney numbers (urinalysis and bloodwork) never improved, but only got worse, but she has been such a trooper and has maintained - even with horrible numbers on the labwork.

I love my sweet Belle with all my heart. There has never been another cat like her in my life. She has been my best friend for all these years, and has seen me through some really awful times, as well as some really happy times. She has been the BEST cat for my children and they adore her as I do. She has had a wonderful life, and I have never spared any expense when she needed veterinary care. (You'd think that knowing I'd done all I could do would make it easier to let go when the time comes, but it doesn't.)

The last few months, she has declined, but has really held together much better than the vet expected. Now, in this past week, she has declined incredibly rapidly. The decline is visible daily.

Now she is not eating or drinking, and the hydration I provide is just about all the fluids the takes in. She will eat a treat or two now and then, but she usually just looks at the food. She has lost weight, and she is very weak, and unsteady on her feet. She sometimes musters up the strength to come to me and purr, but for the most part, she hides under my son's play toolbench upstairs. I have kept her in our master bathroom for the last couple of days just to keep an eye on her, and since she has been throwing up some. She isn't going to the litterbox as much - even though she gets a total of 200 cc of fluids per day. She hasn't pooped in several days, simply because she hasn't eaten. We can smell her breath (literally) five to eight feet away. She has all the symptoms of end-stage chronic renal failure other than complete loss of bladder control. I don't want her to get to that stage. (I have a friend with a cat who has gotten to that stage and she still won't let him go.) I'd like to preserve the last bit of her dignity, you know?

I can see it in her eyes that she is asking for help. She knows I love her, and I have shed many tears over the last few days, hoping she would rally once more and surprise us, but she continues to go downhill.

I have three human children - ages 7, 5 1/2 and 2 1/2 (and one on the way, coming at the end of November), and my two oldest have spent a lot of time helping me with the sub-q fluids - talking to Belle and loving on her. Since that has been the case for some time, I've explained to them about what the kidneys do and the process of her disease. I've tried to prepare them for the possibility that the day would come when the most humane thing for our sweet Belle would be to let her suffering end and let her go on to heaven. I've explained the "medicine" the vet would give, and how she'd go peacefully to sleep and on to heaven and see Lily - her longtime best cat friend who died in 2001. I've told them she'd tell Lily all about them, since Lily died before I met & married their daddy, and that Lily would one day meet us all in heaven and say, "WOW! Cool to meet you! I've heard so much about you from Belle!"

I remember well being their ages and losing a pet, and knowing exactly what was going on -- and suffering for a long time. That's why I've tried to prepare them. I asked them (the 7 year old & 5 1/2 year old) if they wanted me to take her to the vet alone, or if they wanted to go with me and be with her. They were adamant that they wanted to go with me because they love her so much. I hope I'm making the right decision in taking them.

I will be calling the vet first thing in the morning to set up an appointment to take her in. I'll pull the kids out of school a little early (I teach at their school) and we'll go together. They are not happy about the situation, but they want to be there for Belle.

This is one of the most difficult things I've been through in a long time. I wondered if I'd know when "that time" came, but I now know without a doubt that it is here. There is nothing else I can do to help her. She is to the point of suffering, and that is not something I can let my best friend do any longer.

Please pray for me tomorrow afternoon. It will be a very difficult afternoon for us all.

Thank you.

[Cleo]

Sending prayers for you and your family.

[Marty]

I'm sorry, Susan. You, your family and Belle most certainly have my prayers.

[Tina B and crew]

Aww...Sue and family, I am so sorry. You have done the best for Belle and she knows love and kindness. I know it hurts and it is hard. I have a pit in my stomach just thinking of this. You and yours are in my prayers for a peaceful journey for Belle. What better way to go over the Bridge than surrounded by those that love her. ((((Sue and family)))) ((((Belle))))

[k9Karen]

Sending lots of love your way. I felt your pain when reading your post and I know exactly how you feel. It's without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I understand you wanting to allow the children to go, but don't be surprised if the vet doesn't let them in the room. Please make sure they understand that Belle is going to die and that she won't wake up and won't be coming home (or if you are bringing her home, it will be to bury her). Children don't always understand things they way we think they do, and if they don't fully understand, it could be very traumatic for them. If you are planning to bury her in the yard, they will most likely want to have a funeral for her. One of my friends took her children with her to pick out a flowering bush to put on the grave of their sheltie. You may want to ask tehm if they'd like to plant a bush or flowers at the site. My friend's children still go over to talk to their dog Tobey at "his" bush, and Tobey has been gone for several years.

[Tina B and crew]

Thinking of you and your family Susan.

[Traci]

Susan, I am so very heartbroken for sweet sweet Belle and you. I know all too well how she is your best girl, how she has helped you through so much, and how the two of you helped each other over some long and tumultuous years.

You know I just went through this with my Cotton this spring. I too struggled, as I always do, holding on to some hope that he would make a good turnaround. But, I knew that I could not let him suffer and the time finally came that I knew the suffering would begin if I let it. Cotton fought hard, he was such an excellent little patient for mommy, he did everything I asked him to do (his meds, his fluids, his food, etc) and I also believe, that he spoke to me to tell me it was ok to let him go, although it killed me and shattered my heart. I am still heartbroken, as I am for all my angel kitties, but I know in my heart, they were trying to tell me they, and I, would be ok.

My heart so goes out to you, and each of us totally understand the pain you're feeling, it is so hard, so unfair, but if we didn't have our loved ones in our lives, we wouldn't be the people we are today. They bring so much to us, and it hurts like hell to let them go. Please know you are not alone, know that every thought and emotion is also felt by all of us here. You have shared so much of Belle with us over the years, we love her very much too!

((((((( HUGS))))))) and all my prayers, Belle will always be so very special to you, and to us.

[Susan and the girls]

Thank you all for your kindness. I knew you'd understand my heartbreak.

Belle did go peacefully. I held her in my arms and wept as she left this world. I fully believe she was greeted by Lily, who went many years before her. She probably spent at least the first few hours telling her all about Alex, Anna Claire, & Alyssa Kate. I had so hoped Belle could make it til the new baby arrived in November, but it was time for her to go.

I had explained everything in great detail to Alex (7 1/2) and Anna Claire (5 3/4). Alyssa Kate, who's 2 1/2, would never understand, so we didn't talk to her about it.

Anna Claire, my five year old, has helped me with Belle's fluids each day for many months. In the time we were doing the fluids, I would explain why we were doing it, and what the kidneys do for the body, and I think she understood. Alex is a "science" lover, so he asked lots of questions about how a human would handle kidney problems. They probably know more about the issue than many kids much older than they are. (Both Alex & Anna Claire are very smart & intuitive, and they understood her condition.)

I have spent the last few weeks explaining to them that the vet had a medicine that would help Belle go to heaven when her condition got so bad that what we were doing did not help anymore. As she worsened over the last week & a half, I tried to explain it even clearer so they'd know that when the time came, it would be the best thing for her.

And I told them that Jesus really wanted her to come to heaven to live with Him and be healthy.

Of course, my deep-thinker, Alex, questioned why He would be so cruel to take her from us when WE love her so much.... Even when you think they understand....

The vet did not let them come back for the procedure. They did get to say their goodbyes. Tears were streaming down the face of my precious Anna Claire, who said very little there at the office. After it was done, and we were on our way home, Alex said, "Mommy, I had no idea I'd feel so sad."

Even knowing I had done what Belle needed most (her condition really had deteriorated so very much lately), when everyone was asleep and the house got very quiet, I could not sleep. I questioned my decision and cried half the night, wishing for one more day with her. Why does it have to be so hard? I didn't want her to suffer - and she was suffering - so it was the right thing to do --- but I miss her so terribly. I will never get over this.

I have had such an outpouring of compassion from my friends. They know I'm a cat lover. They know about Belle and all she's been through. I have been supported very well. It still makes it no easier.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. I still need all the prayers I can get. There's a "Belle-shaped" void in my heart. There will never be another cat like her.

[Tina B and crew]

(((Susan)))) I cried when I read that. I so understand the void, and oh how I understand the sentiment "there will never be another cat like her" because that is/was my Willow. My heart breaks for you and yours, and like your Alex I questioned the same thing when Willow was so suddenly taken from me. Even at my age it was hard to understand why, after all I had been through, my heart kitty could be taken so suddenly. I will continue to pray...(((Hugs)))

[k9Karen]

I cried too. Questioning whether you did the right thing is completely normal. All the "what ifs" keep coming even when we don't want them to. These are coming from your heart because you loved her and wanted to keep her with you. You made the decision with your brain - using reason, and you know it was the right thing to do. It was your heart that wanted to keep her with you as long as you could and the heart always has a hard time letting go. Belle will always be in your heart and in the hearts of your children. They will have a life-long love of animals because they loved her so much - what better legacy for a kitty?

I love to hear about children who are excited by science. Please encourage Alex in his love for science. As a long-time science and math lover, I know we need people like him. As teachers, scientists, engineers, veterinarians, doctors, etc - there are so many professions just in the medical arena. I'm a clinical laboratory scientist (AKA medical technologist, "lab tech", etc) and the average age of people doing what I do is around 55 (I'm 57). Over half of the people doing what I do will be retiring in the next 10 years. Unfortunately, this is true for many of the support professions in medicine and right now we aren't graduating enough people to take our place. For every 5 or more lab techs retiring, there is only one to take his/her place. This scares me, because as I age I am going to need to have lab tests and I need to know that the people doing those tests care as much as I do and that there will be someone there to do them.