I'm so confused - Cat Introductions

[Heckah]

I'm trying to be as patient as possible, but I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to be doing....

Quick backstory, as I've posted the situation here recently. Bailey is a sweet 8 year old SF, Manny is now a ten week old NM. The info in the cat intro thread says to isolate the new cat, but then we find out the new cat is too young to be isolated...It's been about three weeks, and things seem to have been getting better, granted during play time a couple of weeks back Bailey was growling and hissing, we removed Manny and I went in to calm her down and she smacked me in the face, and I ended up with a nasty scratch (this is something Bailey would never have done before Manny came along)...that's when the swatting began.

If Manny is in the room, growling and hissing from Bailey begins, but that had become less and less depending on how close Manny was, but the swatting was more and more and she's nailed him a couple of times, no blood or scratches (is that Manny's fur and skin protecting him or is Bailey not drawing her claws). Now Manny isn't taking it anymore and is basically pulling a Muhammed Ali on Bailey, dances around right in front of her until Bailey swats then he backs off and it starts over again.

My biggest concern was last night. Bailey was asleep on the couch, Manny jumped up on the couch and snuggled up to Bailey, they stayed that way for a few minutes till Bailey awoke, saw Manny and went kinda crazy on him swatting him, she nailed him 4 or 5 times, again no scratches or blood, but Manny's been very timid since. I'm just not sure what to do, I try treats, but Bailey has no teeth, and there are very few soft treats on the market it seems. Manny isn't afraid anymore, he'll eat her food right in front of her (Bailey likes to eat half of her meal right away and save the other half for later) walk right past her and hop into her litter box, and it's almost like he's taunting her at times.

Any advice...I'm desperate

BTW - giving up one of them is not an option...we're very attached to both

Thanks
Bob

PS - I use to stay out on the couch watching TV till 12:30 most nights, with Bailey by my side, I got promoted to the early morning shift and have to be in bed by 9:30 now...could that be having and effect on Bailey as well? Thanks so much in advance.

[mamaof4soon]

I am only by my own experiece with having cats my whole life up until about 5 years ago. Bailey is older cat and Manny well he is kitten! He want to play and have fun and Bailey isnt interested. She is also a female and Manny being a boy well he's feeling his oats. He thinks it's hysterical to taunt her.

1st things 1st, make sure that they both have no scratches on them. Look very carefully becuase any scratch can lead to an infection. If there is a scratch and it looks infected bring the cat the vet. Cats use the litter box and their nails are not very sanitary. Same if you get scratched also make sure you clean it well.

If Manny is eating her food, then feed him separate from her. Only feed when you are home so that when he goes to eat her food you can scoop him up and not allow it. They both need attention and her being the older one that has lived there longer she might need a little more. Praise her when she is being good when around him. Deffinately learn how to trim their nails and teach him to have it done. With her it might be a fight but try to do it with her or get her nails clipped at vet's office where it can be done safely.

We never had a problem with our cats being nasty with each other for long. Just until they figured out who was boss between them. Although they always ran around the house as if they were trying to kill eachother and yet they were only playing. Good luck and i hope things work out. I am sure others have better advice. But i hope this helps a little.

[Traci]

It sounds like Bailey is learning to tolerate Manny, but is not yet quite fully adjusted to him.

Again, don't interfere too much, both cats need to work this out between themselves: Manny needs to learn to "respect" that Bailey is the alpha-cat and respect her space, while Bailey needs to learn that the Manny is not a threat to her, probably just a "nusiance" to her at this point in time.

Her swatting him is a feline instinct, a way to teach Manny that he needs to back off, it's a learning process for Manny. Don't interfere with this unless of course, blood is drawn or someone is obviously hurt.

Don't get too close with Bailey directly after she's "reprimanded" Manny (by swatting or hissing), as she will probably swat you as well. In that event, just let her be for a few moments, until she's calmer, then try approaching her to bond, cuddle, whatever.

Remember, Manny is just a small kitten, he's curious about everything and everyone, most of all, Bailey. He's probably wanting her to play with him, groom him, sleep with him, teach him the "ropes", etc. This is natural, and Bailey will put him in his place when needed and Manny will learn to respect her (again, no interference from you unless there is physical harm between tham). Do spend equal time with each cat, individually, and do continue to actively involve yourself with them as a group....playtime, activity and toys are good ways to help them tolerate each other and learn they are not a threat to each other. Once they've mastered being in the same space together, then the rest becomes easier.

[MattinglyMom]

We just went through the same things with our 12 week old kitten and our 1 year old cat. It was definitely harder on me than it was on them. With Traci's advice, things have worked out beautifully. It really is important not to interfere unless someone is actually getting hurt. Our kitten is a talker and she would often make lots of mews while she and the older one were having their first interactions and I would constantly break them up. But once I realized she wasn't hurt, and in fact could always squirm her way away from him when she was really done playing, I did my best to sit back and let things happen. And if our older one got upset and left the room for a bit, we just kept her from following him and left him alone. She would taunt him a lot when he didn't want to play, and it was important for her to learn from him when it was ok and when it wasn't. He is the alpha cat, as is Bailey and it's very important for the kittens to learn that. Once I was able to sit back and let them work it out, the introduction phase progressed very rapidly. They are grooming each other on the couch as I type this.

Best of luck and keep us posted!

[Heckah]

Just to update you on the saga of Bailey and Manny...

Things have only gotten a little better...Bailey's stopped seeking sanctuary in my office and is back to sleeping in bed with us. Manny can generally get close to Bailey without to much of a problem (especially when its time to eat...Bailey's main focus is her dinner...no change there). If Manny gets too close Bailey starts hissing and growling, but she seems to let Manny get closer and closer before she gets bent out of shape.

However she really gets upset about Manny's new game. When she's asleep, he likes to sneak up on her and smack her in the head and take off running. Bailey's not a big fan of that one and I can't say I blame her...

Manny still eats Bailey's food, I can scoop him up 1000 times and I soon as I put him in front of his bowl, he runs off to where Bailey eats again. I spoke with the director of the Humane society here (I interview him every week)...and he said it was fine to have them both on the same food, but he'll still leave eat a little of it before he runs off to Bailey's food, which I guess is fine, because Bailey's figured out he can just eat what's in Manny's bowl.

Their still not grooming each other, far from it actually, but you can see little bits of progress every day.

Thanks for your help and when all your advice totally works out and their the best of friends, I'll be sure to update you.

[Traci]

Manny needs kitten food, and it needs to be his primary food. While it won't hurt him to nilbble Bailey's adult food, he shouldn't be eating it entirely. (nibble, as in only a few kibbles). If necessary, put Bailey's food up when she's done eating, and offer it to her twice or three times a day but put it up when she's done. Manny should be on kitten food until at least 6-8 months of age.

Try spending more time getting yourself involved in their playtime activities. Since Manny is so young and energetic, whenever Bailey is sleeping, spend more time with Manny and playtime. Whenever possible, involve them both in the activity so they can get better adjusted to these playtime sessions and so that Bailey can learn Manny is not a threat to her. I'm sure she has discovered that already, she is simply establishing her alpha-role with him. Remember, kittens are energetic all of the time, they need stimulation, so provide him interactive toys, etc and get actively involved in his playtime activities.