Introducing cats

[Heartburm]

Hello Traci ~ I haven't posted on this forum for nearly a year. My last post was on your Prayerbook forum when my little Burmese kitty, Minx, died as a result of FIP. Less than a month after I lost Minx, my step-granddaughter, Cheyenne, drowned in a local lake. I am an ER nurse and was on duty when the paramedics brought her into our ER. I guess I don't need to tell you how devastated I was. I was fortunate that a dear friend of mine called me daily to make sure that I was OK. Although she didn't have grandchildren, or even children, she had a cat, Lillibeth, and understood the connection that we have with our furbabies. She encouraged me to talk about both Minx and Cheyenne, and never put me in a position to declare one loss greater than the other. She just let me cry about both of them, which was very good for me since I was in a position where I had to be the strong one in the family, emotionally supporting my son and daughter-in-law. Well, I just received a call today from a therapist in another state, informing me that my friend, who was so supportive, committed suicide. I told the therapist that I would take Lillibeth and he is making arrangements to ship her to me. I have another kitty, Minx's brother Nigel, who is very needy. There have been times that I have thought of asking your advice about his behavior since the loss of his sister. He has not adjusted very well to her loss and is very clingy and possessive. He is not happy unless he is in my lap and sucking on my hand. I am not sure how he will react to having another cat in our home. I have read the post on feline introductions, but also noticed that the original poster has been banned. Is there anything you can tell me to make this transition go smoother? Once again, I'm trying to put my sadness aside to do the right thing. I just want to make sure that it will all work out. I love my Nigel very much, but I also feel that I should open my heart to Lillibeth, especially since no one else seems to want her. She and Nigel have been through so much...how do I help them accept each other?

[slvrwhispr]

I don't have a lot of experience in integrating cats, but I wanted to tell you that I am SO sorry for the losses you've experienced. *HUGS TIGHT*

[Traci]

Heartburm, I am so very sorry, you have truly suffered great losses in such short time. My heart goes out to you.... (((HUGS)))

I am wondering if perhaps Nigel may have indeed adjusted, but is sensing your own grief and sorrow and is therefore clingy to you because he senses your pain. Cats are keen to our emotions and will pick up on those subtleties. It sounds like the two of you have a very close bond and trust.

I believe that Nigel will fair well with Lillibeth, I have always felt that cats fare better and are healthier and happier when they have another feline companion to share their lives. Lillibeth obviously needs alot of love and support through this, I can imagine the abrupt changes to her life and how stressed and confused she must be. Your willingness to take her into your heart and home is a testament to your compassion.

So I say, go for it. Of course, the transition for both cats may be a little difficult at first, this would be normal, but with your comittment and dedication to them, I'll bet they both adjust fine and will learn to love and appreciate their companionship. Just take it slow with introductions, be patient and give them both equal attention. It may also be good "therapy" for you, cats have an amazing ability to therapeutically "heal" us with their love, their antics, their bonds with us.

Can I ask what method Lillibeth is to arrive to you? Is she going to be on a plane? If so, please see if it is possible that a trusted human accompanies her, and that she is in an airline-approved kitty carrier on board in a seat with the human, NOT in cargo. You never want to ship a pet in the cargo, it is too dangerous. Also try to get her vet records, because once she arrives, you'll want to get her examined by your vet promptly. She will have endured a fair amount of stress and you'll need to ensure she is healthy and not developing an underlying health problem that could develop as a result of stress. At home, you'll want to watch her closely for at least a few weeks to ensure she is eating and drinking normally, litterbox habits are normal, she is not withdrawn or depressed, etc.

Please don't hesitate to post here with questions you may have during this transition.

Btw, the banned user wrote the Introduction page, which has been very helpful for our members. The ban was not a result of content posted here, but for other reasons.

[Heartburm]

Thank you Traci and slvrwhispr for your kind and thoughtful responses. I don't know the details yet of how Lillibeth is going to get to me. She is in Oregon right now, I live in California. I will let the therapist who has her know that putting her in the cargo area is not a very good idea. Maybe we can work something out. Anyway, thanks again for the support and good suggestions. I will post an update later, when things have settled down.

[Traci]

If it is possible for someone to travel with her, this truly would be best. Shipping pets unattended, or those put into cargo has too many risks...they are not attended, they can be left on hot tarmacs, and they can easily get lost in airports or the surrounding area. Safety and welfare of the pet is first priority. I do hope you can make arrangements for her to have a human accompany her, either on a seat on a plane, or by car.

Please let us know how this transpires...

[Heartburm]

Hello again, Traci,

I just received a call from the therapist who has Lillibeth. He is going to fly down with her!!! He is planning on making the trip on Sunday. I am so relieved that she will be transported safely. What a wonderful person he is to do this! Anyway, I will post again when she gets settled in. I plan on keeping her isolated from Nigel until she has had a vet check and I know that she is healthy.

[Traci]

Wonderful news! Do be sure to tell him Lillibeth has to be in an airline-approved kitty carrier, he can call the airline for their requirements, this generally only requires a certain size/weight of the carrier so that he can carry her on with him and at or under his own seat. The airline may require a veterinary health certificate and proof of rabies vaccination certificate as well, be sure he checks with the airline prior.

Let us know how it goes, I can imagine you're very excited to see her

[Heartburm]

OK, Lilybeth arrived safely on 5/7 (By the way, I previously had her name spelled wrong). The therapist who brought her to me had contacted the airlines, so he knew what kind of carrier to purchase. He also obtained a health certificate before they flew. Lilybeth endured the flight without any apparent effects and seems quite at home in my guest room. I took her to my vet the following day and he tested her for FeLV and FIV, both negative. She is 8-years-old and both vets detected a heart murmur. The Oregon vet who issued the health certificate also suspected that Lilybeth may have some early kidney disease. Otherwise, she appears quite healthy.

However, with her I received a folder with all of Lilybeth's health and identification history (she's microchipped). Included in the folder is a bio that my late friend took the time to type and print out before she ended her life. In this bio, she lists Lilybeth's health history, feeding preferences, bowel habits, nicknames, likes, and dislikes. It is really quite sad to read, knowing that it was written as my friend prepared to die. Anyway, here is my concern. Under dislikes, my friend typed in bold capital letters that Lilybeth HATES OTHER CATS. She wasn't kidding. As sweet and gentle as Lilybeth is, when she hears Nigel meowing outside of the bedroom door, she throws herself against the door in a fury of bristling fur, screams, and extended claws. She becomes vicious when she hears him. I waited a week before I let them see each other, hoping that they would get accustomed to each other's scent. Lilybeth came with a 6ft mesh cat run so I set it up in a neutral area and placed her inside. Then I allowed Nigel to come into the room. He was curious, but wary. As soon as she saw him, Lilybeth flung herself against the mesh, trying to attack. Nigel retreated in fear and now he is terrified of her. I just don't know if this is going to work out. I will not let Nigel be exposed to harm. This was his home first. Also, I worry about the stress that he might be experiencing. When his sister, Minx, died of FIP, I was told that since Nigel was exposed, he may harbor the Corona virus and that he should avoid prolonged stress as it could compromise his immune system and allow the dormant Corona virus to convert to the lethal FIP virus.

I am beginning to wonder if I did the right thing by offering to take Lilybeth. No one else wanted her and she was destined to be placed in a shelter where she would have to compete with younger kitties for a home. I just wanted to give her a loving home where she could live out the rest of her years in peace. I really don't know what to do now. Is it possible that she will settle down with Nigel? Am I endangering him by subjecting him to the fear and stress that her presence in his environment brings?

I am considering contacting a pet adoption league in our area to see if they might have someone (who has no other cats) who might be willing to adopt an older cat. I know that if I take her to the shelter, she will be miserable and there is a good chance she wouldn't be adopted. We don't have a no-kill shelter here, and more cats are euthanized than adopted, especially this time of year, during kitten season.

As fond as I am of Lilybeth, Nigel is my main concern and I probably should have taken more time to consider the possible consequences before I agreed to bring another cat into our home. I feel like I really messed up.

Any ideas, advice, or suggestions would be most welcome.

[Traci]

It sure would have been helpful had you known what was written in the "bio", previously! Was there any indication in the letter to explain her reaction with other cats? Was there anything in your previous conversations with your friend to indicate this or anything about her history?

It truly is hard to say, without knowing a bit about her history. I don't think it is reason to give up on her. I would suggest getting her seen by your own primary vet, and talking about her behavior, and steps you can take to address it. (perhaps even a feline behaviorist could be consulted, given the stress Lilybeth has suffered of late, I would love to see her given the chance). It may not actually be "hates other cats", but a reaction due to something else entirely, perhaps seeing another cat sets off a reaction that was due to something else. Introductions normally take time with ALL cats, but we have to give them the benefit of the doubt, be patient, calm and forgiving, and at the same time, look for those subtle yet obvious signs that we can address.

I understand your concern for Nigel, and rightfully so. Yet, I beleive it is worth it to try to get to the underlying fear that Lilybeth posesses, and try to address it, with your vet's help and perhaps with a feline behaviorist's help. Remember, Lilybeth probably suffered a fair amount of stress as a result of her mistress' environment, both prior to and after the ordeal, and is probably suffering residual stress as a result. Cats don't handle stress like we humans do.

[Heartburm]

Thanks Traci for responding so quickly. I'm not going to give up on Lilybeth just yet. I believe that time always makes a difference. Too bad Lilybeth's previous mommy didn't have that conviction.

When Patricia, my late friend, and I would talk about our kitties, we only discussed their charming attributes. She never mentioned to me that Lilybeth had serious issues with other cats. Patricia was an older (50's) single woman, like me (I just turned 51 yesterday). We live alone and our closest companions are our cats. We could go on for hours talking about how much comfort we derive from them. We always used to joke and say that the more men we meet, the more we love our cats! Our lifestyles were very different though. I own a home out in the country and have worked in the same hospital for 20 years. Patricia was a traveling nurse who was constantly moving from assignment to assignment across the country. She had no family, to speak of, and only a few close friends. Lilybeth was her closest companion. I only met Lilybeth once, when Patricia was passing through my area on her way east to New York for an assignment. I was so impressed with Lilybeth's calm demeanor and adaptability. She rides in the car like a dog, totally at ease. I guess this is because for the last 6 years of her life, she has been a traveling kitty. Nigel, on the other hand, has a conniption when he has to go in the car. Oh well, he's a Burmese, do I need to say more?

What I do know about Lilybeth is that Patricia adopted her from a shelter when Lilybeth was 2 years old. Patricia had originally gone looking for a kitten, but her heart went out to the thin, sad-looking Calico who was on death row. Patricia did mention that Lilybeth was "very naughty" when she first got her. She would tear up the furniture and curtains, bite sometimes, and try to escape whenever the door was opened. With time and patience, she settled down. She no longer destroys the furniture (she loves her cardboard scratching post), she only nips if you try to touch her belly or her feet and, so far, hasn't tried to escape, although I did notice a couple of tears in the screen of a window that I had opened to give her some fresh air. Her aversion to other cats must have started in her 2 years prior to Patricia adopting her.

My own veterinarian read the bio (he actually had tears in his eyes when he finished). He told me that we will need to take it very slowly with the introduction. He also said that, as far as he is concerned, my loyalties should be to Nigel. He is willing to help in any way he can. He knows how I feel about my cats...he was the one who came out to my house to relieve Minx of her suffering, he offered to help me bury her, then refused to charge me for the visit. I trust him a great deal. We don't have any feline behaviorists in this little podunk town I live in, although there is one woman who claims to be an "animal communicator". As hard as I may try, I am just too skeptical of someone who claims that they can communicate with animals, dead or alive.

So, in the meantime, I will keep Lilybeth safely confined to her room and try each day to let both cats get used to each other. Lilybeth is quite content in the room. It is very large and has a garden-window with shelves lined with towels so she can sun herself. Poor Nigel is probably put out because that window was one of his favorite places to hang out. If I detect that Nigel is getting too stressed, then I will have to make other arrangements. I will let you know how it goes. Thanks again for your positive reply.