Is there any way to have more loveable cats?

[tignor]

Hi all, this is my first post!

I have 2 cats. Hobbes is 10, and Stella Mae is almost a year old. They get along pretty well. Hobbes is a cool cat, she's quiet and sleeps a lot, and has never been very dependant. She won't sit on my lap unless I'm wearing pants or have a blanket over my legs, and usually only when I'm on the computer. I think she likes the security of the little cubbyhole it makes between me and the desk. She will climb up on me for about 5 minutes on a blanket, only in the winter. Then gets down. But she usually is in the same room with me, and loves me I'm sure in her own little Hobbes way. She does not like to be held, and will whimper and push away with her front legs.

Stella is a little wild one, and will turn 1 year in August. She's quite a terror. But she also won't sit on your lap (will squirm) or like to be held (will let you but isn't happy about it, and will struggle after a minute or so, also pushing away from you with her front paws). She snuggles with my husband sometimes in the morning because he's the "feeder person" who gives her a can of wet food in the morning.

We are very loveable and kind to our kitties, always petting them and buying them snuggle bugs and cleaning their kitty boxes and they have a clean nice place to live. We love them very much and love having them around. But I don't understand why they aren't more snuggly. I know each cat is different but when we got Stella we thought she would be more loveable than Hobbes is, which we just kind of accept Hobbes as being like that.

Is there any way to get more sweetness from the cats? Or just try to enjoy them as they are? Does Stella still have some slowing down to do (great day, we hope so. She's VERY active and gets into everything)?

Thanks for any help you may be able to give me. I like the forums and will try to spend a lot of time here.

[Traci]

Showing affection, care and bonding are good, but even better is getting actively involved in their playtime activities, nothing encourages a cat's trust moreso than active engagement in their activities, especially playtime and exercise. Spend at least 10 minutes each day with interactive toys and playtime with them. Spend another 10 minutes or so in the evenings with them with play.

Take turns with the feeding...cats usually favor the one who is the major caretaker (feeding etc), but if you take turns with your husband, your cats may consider you equals as opposed to having a favorite. Some cats are naturally drawn to only one person.

Your youngest may still develop a close bond with you and may turn into a lap cat, but when she is this young, you should let her come to you (cuddling, etc) at her convenience..she is at an energetic and independant stage and probably doesn't want to be confined in your arms or on your lap. The more time you spend with them individually or together, the more likely they are to want to be closer.

[Ash]

Welcome to the board!

My cat Blacky used to be like yours, didn't want to be picked up, struggled etc, and only sought body contact when he felt cool. However, when he got a bit older, like 5 or 6, I found another way to pick him up. I would take him up putting his front paws on my left shoulder, so that he would look over my shoulder, and cupping his body and behind with my arm and hands. Somehow, this was okay with him, and he would sit like that for a few minutes, visibly enjoying it. He was never a lap cat though. He didn't play much either, he was bit of a loner (and oh, so beautiful!).

Our other cat, Noodle will only allow my husband to pick her up, with me she struggles, although I'm the main feeder.

Yes, they all have so different personalities.

But definitely try what Traci suggests. I also find that playing with them, throwing a toy, chasing them around a little, makes them happy. And a happy cat will come to you.

Mine like us singing to them a lot too. My husband always makes up some silly gibberish songs, throwing in their names, and they love it.

[tignor]

Showing affection, care and bonding are good, but even better is getting actively involved in their playtime activities, nothing encourages a cat's trust moreso than active engagement in their activities, especially playtime and exercise. Spend at least 10 minutes each day with interactive toys and playtime with them. Spend another 10 minutes or so in the evenings with them with play.

Take turns with the feeding...cats usually favor the one who is the major caretaker (feeding etc), but if you take turns with your husband, your cats may consider you equals as opposed to having a favorite. Some cats are naturally drawn to only one person.

Your youngest may still develop a close bond with you and may turn into a lap cat, but when she is this young, you should let her come to you (cuddling, etc) at her convenience..she is at an energetic and independant stage and probably doesn't want to be confined in your arms or on your lap. The more time you spend with them individually or together, the more likely they are to want to be closer.

I do all these things. Stella has many favorite toys, the feather on a stick especially, and catnip bubbles. I can get Hobbes to play but Stella usually shows up (she is young) so I have to do it in a closed room. I try to spend more than 10 minutes a day with each of them.
As for picking them up like Ash suggested, it will work with both of them for a bit, a minute or so. Hobbes still whimpers, and I can't figure that out. I don't think they like to be held, is all.

Feeding them I will talk to David about, but he tends to feed them the wet food and I take care of the dry. He leaves for work very early in the morning which is when he gives them the wet, the dry I do late afternoon.

I will try to spend more time with them playing, we will see. Hobbes is the kind of cat that figures out it's you on the end of the feather stick, so I end up just stroking her and she loves that, as long as I don't pick her up. She's a coy cat, turning her back on me but loving the petting. She also will stay as far away from me as possible when I'm petting her. BUT, she sleeps at my feet and comes over for a pat on the head every now and then. She right now standing up with her front paws on the computer chair, I just gave her about 10 strokes on the head and she got down. This seems to be enough for her. For some reason she is jealous of the computer and wants loving when I'm on it. She jumps up when I'm trying to type and just stands there, not getting on my lap unless it's wintertime, otherwise she stands on the keyboard shelf, wanting rubbies.

My cats have NEVER been abused...I got Hobbes very early (5 weeks, way too young I have learned) and Stella was a shelter baby I got at 8 weeks. We have given them lots of attention and they seem very happy, just not snuggly.

[Ash]

I already like Hobbes! She sounds like a wonderful cat. Maybe you should get up from the computer when she comes, because cats ususally like to do things when they want it (not when we want it). Does she call you sometimes?

Stella might very well get more cuddly when she's out of her teenage years. Just wait and see.

[kiggityca]

where did you get the cats from? i've found that cats from a shelter sometimes are less friendly than those raised by people from birth. with a shelter you never know what their experience with people has been. our cat came from a shelter and was always kind of anti-people. he would cuddle with us sometimes but wasn't like other cats i've known that act almost like dogs and always want to sit on you! i think that as with people it is a nature/nurture thing, the cat is born with its own personality and that is influenced by its experiences. i don't know if there is anything you can do to change the cats' personality, just be as loving and nurturing as you can and learn to appreciate them for who they are. sometimes it's nice to have an independent cat that doesn't want attention all the time!

[tignor]

Stella was a shelter baby, Hobbes was a kitten I got from a friend of a friend whose cat had 6 kittens. Stella is still a teenager, but when you go to pet her on the head she does kind of shrink back, but then will let you touch her. I have had other cats raised by people (my mother has one) that just doesn't like to be touched at all. Maybe Stella was abandoned or something, but she is a sweetie otherwise, and likes people.

[Ash]

Sorry, kiggityca, I have to disagree with you. When my cat - long ago - had three kittens in our bedroom, one turned out to be a complete cuddle bear and the other two behaved more like ferals, didn't like to be picked up etc. Shelter life can certainly undermine a cat's trust in people, but this isn't a steadfast rule. Nor is it garanteed that if you have kittens born in your own home and raise them, they will all be affectionate and cuddly.

[kiggityca]

i'm sure the cats are born with certain traits just like people are. i just meant that it's more likely that cats in a shelter have been neglected or wild before they got there, i think the critical thing is handling them from when they are small and socializing them, but yes, even ones raised from birth will have their own personalities, some are cuddly, some not, i think once they have their personality you can't really change it, the only way to have a cuddly friendly cat is to find one that already acts that way. as long as they're happy that's what matters, and just because they don't curl up on your lap purring every night doesn't mean they don't love you!