Cat hates boyfriend Please help

[simone86]

Hi there
this is the first time have every used anything like this before so please bear wth me !

I got my 3 year old house cat Dougal from a rescue centre 2 years ago he was always wary of men ever since i could remember but after a rocky start he has always been good natured with me

My boyfriend moved in with me 3 months ago and Dougal cant stand him, he pretty much ignored him for the 1st few weeks even turning his back or leaving the room if my boyfriend approched him. we both agreed he was probably a bit jealous and stressed out with having another man around and thought it would pass....it hasnt

In the last week he has attacked my boyfriend twice, has peed on his clothers and actually squated down in front of my boyfriend an urinated on my rug !!
it all came to a head this morning where my boyfriend was leaving for work and tried to stroke him while he was on the bed, Dougal attacked him and was hissing and spitting something he has NEVER done before
and we were really shocked, He now alsoattacks if my boyfriend is being affectionate to me.

The weird thing is after years of being timid towards men if any other man now comes into the house ie my dad he is all over them, its almost like he does it to spite my boyfriend !

We have tried getting my boyfriend to feed him stroke him but he has now got to the stage he thinks there is no point as the Dougal blatantly hates him and why should he make the effort with him after so many attacks. What started off as kind of funny is now causing arguments
and im stuck in the middle of an unhappy cat and a battle weary boyfriend
Im at my wits end, please help !

[davet]

i personslly have no idea what you do in this situation, but will be interested in reading other peopls suggestion

[Guest]

What a horrible situation. I guess the only thing you can do is to tell your boyfriend to totally ignore the cat and maybe it will slowly learn to like/trust him. If it´s been abused by men before (I had a dog the same, it hated all men) it will be scared of most of them.

If he touches the cat it will assume he´s trying to attack/hurt it. Hopefully over time it will come to trust him and maybe even like him! My cat gets jealous and meows whenever my boyfriend hugs me but it´s kind of funny. Your situ sounds far from funny. Hope you get it sorted. Fingers crossed for you! Victoria xx

[CynthiaR (Whitewolf)]

I wonder if your cat tested him and knew what he did when he was young boy? Some cats know which one is an animal lover and which one is not an animal lover when the person was a child. I found out; my beloved cat Lucky has shown an antipathy toward a man who came over, found out he's an animal hater. I asked him if he has any pet like a cat and a dog, he admitted he hates dogs and cats ever since he was little and Lucky hissed at him and ran into the bedroom. The guy never had a chance to pet my cat Lucky just because he hissed and hid.

Cats have many reason to hate the men, maybe like your cat, he was abused by men. Try to get him to trust little by little until he'll get used to your boyfriend. Treat is the beginning to give him from his hand slowly and slowly until he'll get used to him. He will soon find that your boyfriend is a friendly and animal lover unlike the guys he experienced. I feel sorry this happen with you guys over this furry one. I hope he will soon get used to the idea that your boyfriend is a friendly cat lover and then someday you might see them sitting together watching tv.

[Tina B and crew]

I have a rescue cat who doesn't hate men, but she definitely takes a while to warm up to them. She still will rarley let my husband pet her even after two years. But she doesn't attack at least. What my husband did was let her come to him on her own terms. She didn't really seek him out until I was away from home once...she didn't have me for attention so she asked for it from him.

I think Cynthia is also onto something. Cats are very intuitive. I think they can sense that someone doesn't like them. I would guess your boyfriend isn't too fond of him because of all that has happened. Maybe if you explain to him that he shouldn't take it personally...explain that it is possible that he was abused by a man and therefore is afraid of men. Have you tried having him feed him, or give him treats? It might be a slow process, but I think patience and time are the best remedies. I would recommend that he doesn't try to approach him though, let him make friends with your BF on his terms (the cat's not your BF's)

Good luck!

[Guest]

I think both cats and people sometimes just don't hit it off... your boyfriend is not necessarily a "cat hater" because your cat doesn't like him.
I am a cat lover and had never met a cat that didn't like me until I moved in with my last roommate. Her cat never attacked me but it was very obvious to me that the cat didn't like me and my feelings were a bit hurt! Perhaps he wasn't too threatened by me because I wasn't sleeping with his "owner" This particular cat also had a total THING for men. He loved my boyfriend and any other guy that came over, totally flirting with them.

I'm not a cat psychologist but I would guess it is a dominance issue with your cat and your boyfriend. Maybe your cat feels threatened by this new alpha male on the scene and is trying to assert himself? Wish I had better advice on how to deal with it though!!!

[candylilacs]

My cat Miguel didn't like when my boyfriend starting coming over a lot. He didn't mind him at first, but when he started spending the night and taking his spot on the bed, he started getting mean.

He bit my boyfriend twice (deep with blood dripping) and would claw him while he was sleeping. As soon as he would get up from the couch or bed, Miguel would run over and sit there. And he just was not happy with me, either, he started being more bitey and clawy. He really acted out (stealing food from the kitchen, trying to get out of the apartment) like he was a teenage boy.

So, I had my boyfriend start feeding him and after a few months Miguel quit attacking him. I married my boyfriend a few years ago and they seem to get along (although Miguel is still not my husband's favorite cat.)

Do give your kitty lots of attention during this time and all of you will get through it. Also, do not let your boyfriend hit your cat. I never did and I think it would only make his behavior worse.

b.